:: Diary - May 2011 ::

:: Sunday, May 1, 2011 ::

Dave has invited a new S owner, Robert, along to the TVR Car Club meeting today, and we've arranged to meet at Dave's house. Of course, I have to remember first to go for fuel. And then to the bank machine.

So by the time I get there, the rest, including Mike and Jim (with repaired trailing arm after last month) are already assembled. Dave has got his car out as well - it's good to see it back after all this time.

And so we set off, for our convoy to the meeting.

The meeting is great - lots of people and cars there, and lots of good chat. We have 6 S-series, Ron's 3000M, two Cerberas, a Sagaris, 3 Chimaeras, a Tuscan, an immaculate 420 SEAC, and Willie's unique road-going Tuscan racer.

The Tuscan has an amazing paint job that just looks superb in the sun.

After people start to leave, we line up all the S-Series for a family photo.

They are beautiful cars these...

One lady displays immaculate taste, be telling me that my car is the best-looking there. Never one to resist flattery, I take her for a short drive just because I can.

After we get back, we all have more chat about the arrangements for the meeting at Chatsworth next weekend, and then before we know it, 4 hours have passed and it's time to head home.

The journey home is just as much fun - although I convince myself that the engine is a little "flat". Maybe I have a loose plug lead or something.

When I get home, I take out the spark plugs to see if any are fouled up, but they all seem ok - although it has to be said that the ones at the back of each bank of cylinders look as if they are running slightly richer than the ones at the front. The gaps are all 0.9mm, which reminds me that the manual is confusing - some specs say the gap should be 0.7mm and somne say 1.0mm. I can't remember what I decided before.

I've also decided not to buy another dipstick - I like my curly wire one, so I'm going to finish it a bit more permanently. Not because I have to, just because I can. Hopefully.

:: Monday, May 2, 2011 ::

Adrian asked me at the meeting yesterday when I ever do any work - he says I seem to be footering with the car for hours each day. While discussing subjects such as "how you earn a living" is somewhat vulgar, the answer, for anybody who was wondering the same thing, is that I work for myself, from home. I don't work 9 to 5, I work when I have to to - and that can mean till the middle of the night some days, or not at all on other days. The more observant will have noticed that I did nothing to the car between last Monday (which was a public holiday) and Friday (which was another public holiday). I was busy earning money on the days in between!

Anyway, with the curious / nosey / jealous among you hopefully now satisfied, I decided to use today (another public holiday, although I'm not making excuses!) to regap and replace the spark plugs, I decided to go for the specified 1.0 mm gap and see how it goes.

I also saw a thread on Pistonheads asking how often you have to clean your idle speed control valve. I can't remember the last time I did it, but I decide to make sure that's not the cause of the flat performance (I think that the real cause is that the S is slower then the Cerb (and the Lexus come to that) and I'm maybe just expecting a bit too much).

So I unbolt the valve (two 10 mm bolts and an electrical connector) and I immediately see a problem. Here's the gasket that's been on for ages (I remember making it out of a business card - this is the reverse side) and it seems to have been sucked inwards on the engine side of the valve (the engine side is on the top in the photo). The engine has been drawing in air...

I take the valve apart, and clean out the valve part with carb cleaner. I also clean through the air bleed channels in the throttle housing. Then I make a new gasket (out of slightly thicker card) and smear both sides with silicone - not too much, just a smear, and bolt everything back together.

Then I decide to have another go at making a better dip stick. The tape on the one I made at the weekend is softening, and moving up and down the stick, so you don't know if it's gone in too far, so the level marks might be all wrong. Worse than that, I don't want it going in too far and getting thumped by one of the crankshaft webs and ending up with bits of coathanger in the sump. I need a fixed stop on the dipstick. I also need a longer handle so that engine heat won't transfer along it so quickly.

I get another wire coathanger, cut it, straighten it out, and mark where the "stop" should be (measuring beside the broken Ford one) and mark it and weld a little washer on. Then I mould a carefully calibrated flat bit where the max and min level marks go (this careful crafting involved putting the wire on a wee anvil that's part of my vice, and battering the shit out of it with a hammer, then straightening it all out again). Another comparison with the old stick and I mark on the max and min levels, and make little hacksaw marks across the flat bit.

Next step is the handle - I put a garden trowel in the vice, and bend the handle round it, then a reverse curve and align it all. Then a wee bit of weld at the join, and it's sorted!

And here is this engineering marvel in all its glory - Dipstick Mk 2. I don't have Ford's research and development budget, but it'll do the job!.

Ok confession time - that's actually Dipstick Mk 3 - the Mk 2 version went awry. I did all the flattening, marking and bending first, and THEN decided to weld the washer on, and that went perfectly - the washer was indeed welded on. Unfortunately I also melted the handle bit off in the process, so I had to start again... Ford stopped at this point in their design process.

A great way to spend a bank holiday.

Oh and for the time and motion stalkers, I also sent two work emails, then went to Halfords (for the washers) then to my old house to cut the grass, then hoovered the daughter's car because it was full of grass cuttings, before I started any of this. I've also made the dinner, and it's still only 6 o'clock. I've also been to the loo 3 times (I took laxatives by mistake instead of Viagra last night, and they made me crap in bed), had 2 cans of coke, and half an easter egg. If there's any time missing, let me know and I'll try to account for it.

Tvrgit clocking off....... now!

:: Friday, May 6, 2011 ::

It's MOT day. I was a bit worried when I booked the car in, because the garage are determined it's a Tasmin because that's what it says on their database, and they asked me to check the chassis number etc. The number of the chassis, the number on the plate, the number on the V5 and the number on the old MOT all tie up, so they accept that their database must be wrong.

Anyway, the result is a pass!

He does point out that the tyres are rubbing on the inner wheel arch on full lock. I offer to take them off but he says it's ok to do it later.

So it's back home to sort out all my stuff for our trip to the national meeting at Chatsowrth this weekend. Oh and to take the inner arches off, mr MOT man, obviously.

:: Saturday, May 7, 2011 ::

This is tvrgit.com reporting LIVE on the eve of the TVRCC event at Chatsworth. The Scottish contingent (sadly depleted this year) are staying overnight nearby, so we don't have the very early morning 200-mile dash we've had the last 2 years. (I didn't even have that 2 years ago - I had an 80-mile dash followed by a 30-minute rest till the Cerb's engine cooled down, then a five-hour 6-stop strategy to get a sick Cerbera home without melting the engine back into its constituent alloys).

Anyway, I've brought the S again this year, not because I'm afraid to bring the cerb (because it's all sorted now), but because I wanted to bring the S so there.

I meet up with Hugh and Jim at 11 am, and after a bit of chat and a fuel top-up, we set off with a carefully planned lunch stop "a couple of hours down the road somewhere". Military precision, see? That turns out to be the outdoor shop and cafe at jedburgh.

Soon we are off again, stopping only to put the roofs on just before it starts raining. We manage to make our way steadily behind processions of people who either think the speed limit in NSL is 40 mph, or know it's not, but don't know how to overtake. One lad studiously slows his Audi A6 diesel to 40 for every speed camera. My misery is completed by the volume of water pishing in past the top passenger side of the windscreen - it obviously needs sealed again. There are times when I could give up driving and just get the bus...

Then we have another stop for afternoon tea (we're not barbarians you know) before a "splash and dash" fuel top up, then we're here!

I've found that the home made dip stick needs further design development - it's not sealing so there's oil spray around it on the engine. I'll have to think about that!

It's currently pishing down rain, I don't have my car cap cover, so I'm expecting to have to bale the car out tomorrow. Jim is sure the rain will stop before breakfast time. We'll see.

:: Sunday, May 8, 2011 ::

Here we are, back at the git-cave and it's only 9pm.

Jim was right about the rain - it battered down all night then stopped at about 7am - just in time to give the car a quick dry-off and shine, clean the wheels (they are manky and need polished but I forgot to bring any) and shake most of the water out of the passenger side carpet. As you do.

One of my criteria for hotel selection was the availability of breakfast - and this one is beside a Little Chef, so that's where we go. I order my breakfast and lunch all on the one plate, and almost have to call for stretcher-bearers to get me back to my room for my kit (there's that military planning again!).

Ah yes, the room. Last night after I wrote my bit above, I couldn't get to sleep for the racket outside - kids running up and down the corridor laughing and shouting and banging doors and having a great time. Bless them. Love kids, me, they've got to get it out of their system, eh? Anyway, this morning, their family room door has a wee sign on the door handle saying "Shhh... do not disturb, we'd like to sleep a little longer". Aye so would I, you inconsiderate bastards, but starting earlier, not finishing later! I was so shocked that I went weak at the knees and fell over, unfortunately falling against their door before I could regain my balance. Hope I didn't wake the wee darlings.

So - confident that the weather is brightening, we set off on the 17-mile drive to Chatsworth, with another fuel stop so that we have enough to get most of the way home without paying motorway service prices.

We get parked up, the sun's out, there's lots of people to speak to, and it's all just lovely.

I discover that Barkychoc's V8S isn't a figment of his own imagination, it's real - I get to touch it and everything. He's converted it to power steering, and a bloody good job he's made of it. The electric pump is a bit noisy though, eh Chris?

I speak to various other S-owners that I only get to see once or twice a year, plus many others who just say Hi, although I've never met them before.

I have a walk around the rest of the show, especially the older models like the Vixens, 3000Ms, Taimars etc. There are a lot of very nice cars, including one or two for sale. Hmmm...

I also wander over to the Cerberas, where there are a few interesting models including a few Chevy-engined ones, at least one supercharged one, and, best of all, one that's the same colour as mine, although the owner isn't around.

And there's a thing... this is going to be controversial, but I have to say that, despite a few tries, I completely fail to engage any Cerbera owners in any form of conversation. I try asking questions about cars, I get a brief answer and the owner walks off... twice that happened. I end up feeling like a kid peering through the window of the car showroom, and the salesman comes out and throws you up the street for making drooly marks on the glass.

Maybe I'm unlucky. Maybe I was unlucky last year as well.

Adrian appears with the "Central Scotland Group" flag. I didn't know we had a flag. Or funds to buy one. Or any events to use one at. But anyway, he's got a flag. I think he got it to attract birds. Judging by the amount of white shite splattered over the back of his car, I would suggest he was pretty successful.

But as Robert Burns says "pleasures are like poppies spread, you seize the flower, its bloom is dead - or like the snow falls in the river, one moment there then lost forever... nae man can tether time nor tide, the hour approaches we must ride, up the road across Snake's Pass, it's half-past three so move yer ass".

"Well mounted in his TVR (they never built a better car) Tam motored on through dry and wet, behind another caravanette. Whiles wanting to move rather nifty, the caravanette can just reach 50, whiles holding doon his wide-brimmed bonnet to save his head from sunburn on it - whiles glancing roond wi' prudent stares lest Gatsos catch him unawares..."

We get on to the M61, and it starts to rain, heavier and heavier until I decide it's not going off, so we pull into services to put the roof on. At which point it goes off, as if you'd stepped out a shower curtain. So it's back in the cars, roof still off, and away we go!

And that's about it. A stop at Tebay for food and fuel (where I mistakenly put in the high-octane stuff and then moan like a moaning old git when he charges me more than the "unleaded" price advertised on the tower), and then back up the road!

I put the car in the garage and I don't even have a mental list of all the things that need fixed after the journey! It needs cleaned, it needs the wheels polished, and it needs a look at the windscreen sealing, but aside from that... no new problems!

I also think, following its performance on the last part of the journey, that it needs a wee dose of premium unleaded from time to time...

It's a brilliant car, this...

Just like last year, it's days like this that make owning a car like this special...

(tvrgit wanders off to bed doing a very poor impression of Matt Munro singing "On days like these"...)

See - Robert Burns and Matt Munro in one day - that's yer kulcher for ye, right there.

:: Tuesday, May 10, 2011 ::

I've been thinking (which is never a good idea!) about the "flat" feel of the engine recently. Although it seems to be better after the new idle valve gasket, and especially after the accidental use of higher-octane fuel, it got me thinking - how old are the spark plugs? The distributor cap and rotor arm are of unknown vintage, and although I remember replacing the plug leads, that was a good while ago as well. I could look back through the web site to find dates for all of those things, but if I can't remember, it's probably too long ago. The car is on 94,000 miles, so it's probably time for a bit of ignition maintenance.

I also remember, from the days of the Granada, that the fuel system needs a clean-out regularly, and I know that I have done that a couple of times with the S, and it has always made a difference. I have bought new injectors (from the spares that were in Ken's garage) but I don't have them yet.

I found 3 spark plugs in the garage (How are there 3 when they come in packs of 6? There should either be 2 left, or none! Anyway, I nip down to my local motor store, which does still stock some motor spares among the mahoosive wheels, million megawatt ICE systems, and various stick-on bling. I buy another 4 spark plugs and a bottle of fuel system cleaner.

When I take the spark plugs out, the tips are a much better colour than they were last time - a good drive and high octane fuel makes the difference! I gap the new plugs to 1.0mm and put them in. Then I empty half of the fuel injector cleaner into the (half-full) tank.

I also remember that the Granada used to run badly when the throttle butterflies were manky. A quick check of the "Ford 2.9 diagnostice article" confirms that this is important. I do remember doing this before, as well - the little red nozzle came out of the tin of carb cleaner and disappeared into the plenum chamber, but fortunately not too far so I was able to get it back out without dismantling. So I remove the air intake hoses, get a tin of carb cleaner and clean out the black dust off the inside of the throttle and the butterflies - making sure there are no detachable nozzles to shoot off!

The engine starts like a tractor and then runs on 3 cylinders until it clears all that carb cleaner out of the system, then it's fine. The idle seems good and even, everything looks good. I connect up a vacuum gauge - well, 2 different vacuum gauges to be precise, the first one is older than me and I want to make sure it's still working properly (unlike me). The readings all seem perfect, either at idle, at higher speeds, or "blipping" the throttle.

Then it's on to the dip stick, and the oil blowing past. I need to fix a spacer on, to take on o-ring, but I can't think of anything that's exactly the right size - except the old dipstick. I bought some better glue (to fix something else, can't remember what) so I decide to try sticking the old dipstick back together again.

I had already drilled a coathanger-thick hole up the centre of the handle and down the centre of the dipsticy, and cut a bit of coathanger to fit as a sort of "dowel". I glue everything up and stick it together and leave it for a bit.

I don't have time for a test run - I have work to do (honest I do) and also it's starting to rain and I don't want to put the car away wet.

Later I go back and check how the dipstick has dried - it's not quite straight but it seems strong enough. I'm not worried if it breaks again, as long as it doesn't break off in the engine tube and I can't get it out! But it seems ok, so I slip a new o-ring on to it and put it in. It'll do, but I'll try to sort the home-made one as a spare in case it does break again.

Later on I order a new distributor cap and have a look for new plug leads. My car has SAE (male) connectors on the distributor and coil, not the normal DIN (female) connectors, so the choice of ignition bits is more limited, apparently. I can only find spark plug leads in blue or red, and I don't want coloured ones. I suppose blue might be ok at a push, but I'll have another look tomorrow. I also want a new rotor arm.

:: Wednesday, May 11, 2011 ::

I spent ages this morning trawling the internet for a supplier of plug leads and rotor arms. Most of the web sites weren't at all clear what you were getting, in terms of the SAE or DIN connections. Even Ford's own parts counters aren't very good at this, I remember from buying bits for the Granada. I look at Magnecor and Surespark leads etc, but in my opinion, they are way overpriced for what you get (especially if you're not sure if what you'll get is what you actually need - some big suppliers need to make their web sites a lot clearer).

Eventually I decide to buy OE replacements, and not in blue or red either. I also order a rotor arm.

The distributor cap I ordered yesterday, arrived today as well!

I have booked the Cerbera in to an exhaust garage - he builds fandabby stainless systems for Subarus etc, all I need are two mid pipes from the back of the catalysts to the rear boxes. When I go to get the Cerbera out of the farm, though, I find that they have all gone away, leaving some keys with one of their guys - but not the keys to my garage. After a bit of panic, he gets in through another building, and manages to open doors without actually unlocking them.

I make it to the exhaust place just 2 minutes late. He spends ages making up the pipes, and then adjusting exactly how the rear boxes and tailpipes will hang. It's a brilliant job though!

The drive back to the farm is brilliant as well - no exhaust bouncing off the floor of the car any more!

The steering still feels a bit vague though (I mentioned that a while ago, but thought it was the tyre pressures). Maybe I need the suspension geometry set up?

The Cerbera is fast, but also very refined in comparison to an S! This is a good thing, but can also be a less fun thing...

:: Friday, May 13, 2011 ::

The plug leads and distributor rotor arm arrived today, so I fit them, and the new distributor cap, in the evening. I don't know if the old leads are breaking up inside, but what I do notice is that the new ones snap on to the connectors a lot better.

I need to get some plug lead clips to prevent the leads waving about all over the place.

:: Saturday, May 14, 2011 ::

I am taking the Cerbera to a show tomorrow for the Sporting Bears, so I need to get it along from the garage and tidy it up a bit.

I take the S along, because the weather forecast says rain, and I don't want to have to leave it outside, especially when it hasn't dried out yet from the last water-through-windscreen episode.

The car seems to be going well - a lot better now. Nice smooth pickup and no hesitations.

When I get to the farm I shuffle the Cerb out, and the S in - I'm getting the hang of this now (about time, seeing as I've been using the barn for 4 years now eh?). Then I take the Cerbera for fuel before I bring it back to the house. Driving the two cars back-to-back like this highlights how refined the Cerbera is compared to the S - it really is a very good car, but in a different way.

I give the car a good wash and dry, and check the oil and water levels, tyre pressures etc. The show is 110 miles away over wee twisty roads, and I have to be there by 9am, so I won't have time to do any of these checks tomorrow. I won't be popular with the neighbours, starting the Cerb at 7am, but I can't help that...

So that's me all ready...

:: Sunday, May 15, 2011 ::

Well the show went well. Dave phoned last night so he came down as well.

One advantage of living at the top of a hill is that I can get about half a mile from the house before I have to press the accelerator - and at 6.30 am on a Sunday, that's a bonus. I pick up Dave and then we head down, narrowly avoiding getting smeared along the side of some Japanese hatchback that comes tootling out of a side road after the driver has looked straight at me. Ony superhuman reactions save me from soiling the seat afterwards.

The rest of the journey is pretty uneventful. We pass a couple of classics including an Austin Westminster along the way, who must be going to a different show from the one we are going to. We also pass a Volvo P1800 and something else I didn't recognise, going the opposite way, and several tractors and stationary engines on lorries. We don't even pause to lay a wreath in the layby where the Cerbera steamed to a stop on its way to Chatsworth two years ago.

We put up the tent and set out all the gear, banners and stands etc. The Cerbera attracts a fair amount of interest throughout the day, mainly getting comments on its colour. Kevin pops over for a cup of tea but is disappointed to find that my 4.2 litre V8 kettle isn't boiled yet. Ian and George are there with their S2 and Tuscan respectively. take the S along, Ian wuz robbed in the concourse competition, where the marks seem to have been decided with the help of a lottery machine and a labrador.

There are a few nice cars there, including a nice 1970s Corvette, another 60's Corvette, several models of Ferrari, Porshe etc.

I'm still wondering whether to sell the Cerbera, but I can't see anything that might replace it. I do have one car in mind, but they could prove to be even more of a moneypit risk than some TVRs. Some of the ones in the classified ads are very nice though. Won't say what it is, just yet - we'll see if the Cerb goes first.

On the way home, we pass the same classics going in the opposite direction, then stop for some dinner.

I get home too late (and too tired) to take the Cerbera back to the farm, so I stick it in the garage. It doesn't need anything new fixed either!

:: Wednesday, May 18, 2011 ::

The weather looks clear so I take the Cerbera along to the farm, and bring back the S.

I have a number of wee jobs to do to the S, including sealing the windscreen, and re-colouring the centre console.

I start with the windscreen. I remove the black parcel tape I put on to finish the windscreen edge, and it's clear that the edge of the screen is parting company with the frame in the top left-hand corner. I put in some "Creeping Crack Cure" (which sounds more like a medicine than a waterproofer) and watch it permeate down the back of the glass. Gentle thumb pressure shows that the original sealer is all but useless. I leave it to dry, but use a Stanley knife to dig most of the old sealer out from the edge of the glass in that corner, so that I can try to re-seal it with a sealer gun.

And that's about it for today! I'll let the crack sealer set for a day or so, and then try putting some more in, before I seal the edge.

:: Saturday, May 21, 2011 ::

I was maybe a wee bit optimistic about how much sealant the windscreen would need. The answer is "gallons". The correct repair would be to remove the windscreen and reseal it, but it would probably brak in the process. I'll wait until the windscreen needs replaced for another reason (a chip or crack). In the meantime, after about 4 separate treatments, the sealer has stopped going in the top and pissing straight out the bottom of the seal.

So the next task is to put a bead of rubber sealer around the edge, to finish sealing it and to make it look better. I have the sealer but not the inclination at the moment.

In any case, I have a couple of jobs to do on young Miss Git's Fiesta. It's a diesel and had an injector seal replaced a week ago, but it still reeks of diesel, so I need to find out if it's still leaking, or if the garage just didn't clean the diesel off it and so it's still dripping onto the exhaust. After I remove the aircleaner etc I find that the engine is covered - there's pools of diesel sitting around the injectors and the underside of the air cleaner is covered too. I seal off the air intakes then jet wash all the diesel off, then reassemble.

The second job is rear shock absorbers - one of them is leaking so I'll replace the pair. It doesn't take long after I figure out how to get the wheel arch liner off.

This is turning into "a garagist's diary" like you used to get in "Car Mechanics" magazine. Except he normally had somebody else to blame when things went wrong.

:: Monday, May 23, 2011 ::

Today I will mostly be recolouring the centre console.

Since I resurfaced the seats, the centre console looks particularly manky. I should have done it at the same time but I was keen to get the seats finished.

And while I've got the centre console out, I might as well reposition the handbrake arm on the lever, so that I don't have to pull the lever up to vertical before the handbrake's on. And that's with it adjusted tight as far as it will go.

But the first job is to finish resealing the windscreen. I use a rubberised (non-silicon) sealer around the edge of the glass, and smooth it off. That wasn't hard!

So it's on to the handbrake and centre console. I need to wind off the handbrake cable adjuster, which is above the back end of the propshaft, where you can't reach it past the exhaust. That doesn't stop me trying, mind, because I don't really want to take the exhaust off - but after half an hour of faffing about under the car I come to the conclusion that you need another elbow half-way up your forearm, and hands like Edward Scissorhands except with a variety of different pliers and clamps, each with an eyeball on the end so you can see what the feck you're doing. At one point I manage to get my hand stuck between the diff and two angles of chassis, and I can't get it back out. Fortunately it comes out just before my foot kicks the angle grinder into range so that could cut the car in half to get free. All of this means the exhaust has to come off.

In 2 minutes I've removed the two middle exhaust mounts and the rear mount and lowered the exhaust onto a jack at the rear end. I saved a lot of time trying to avoid that, then...

Then it's easy to reach up and wind back the handbrake cable adjuster and locknut.

Then I remove the seats again - that's easy too, new stainless steel bolts and washers haven't had a chance to corrode!

There are two screws at the rear of the centre console, and with them out of the way, the back lifts up and backwards to free the console. I remove the radio, the gear lever gaiter and the rubber gaiter underneath, and then loosen the clamp bolt holding the handbrake cable on to the lever. There's a wee 10mm bolt that holds the lever into the body, and with that removed, the lever pulls out of the clamp. Again, it's only a few months since I greased it and put it back together - getting it apart the first time wasn't so easy!

Then I lift the back of the console onto an old box, and cover the box and the centre console in newspaper. Then I remove the window switches and mask them off, and I also mask off the centre switch panel.

It's time to start recolouring! I clean up the console, the gear gaiter and the handbrake gaiter with an ordinary cleaner, and then with the alcohol cleaner in the kit. After leaving that to dry for an hour or so, I sponge on some colourant and dry it with the trusty space heater - then sponge on another coat, and dry that off as well.

Then it's out with the airbrush and spray 3 coats of colour on, again drying everything off properly between coats.

By this time it's dinner time, so I clean up the airbrush, and decide I've done enough for today - I've done a 7-hour shift in the garage, while the rain batters down, and the wind is blowing wheely bins up and down the street. It's good this!

So - I need to seal the surface of the console and the gaiters, and then apply the satin finish, before assembling everything again!

:: Friday, May 27, 2011 ::

I finished off the recolouring of the centre console on Wednesday - a couple of airbrush coats of gloss sealer. I decided not to go over it with the satin finish - it looks ok glossy!

This morning I started to put the car back together, First step is to remove all the masking paper, then wrap the centre console in clingfilm so that it doesn't get it all manky again while trying to re-install the handbrake lever. Ah yes - the handbrake lever... I spent over an hour on this, it's so fiddly... I hooked up the cable with a bit of wire, until I could reach it through the gear lever hole, and then push the lever through the tunnel - but try as I might, I just couldn't get the splined end over the shaft. Another dive underneath the car and I find that the cable adjuster has come out of its wee bracket in the chassis, and was therefore taking up about an inch of free play. After fiddling that back into place (being careful not to get my hand stuck again!) I finally managed to get the splines engaged - being especially careful to ensure that the lever only came up by 3 or 4 clicks before the handbrake was fully on (that's what I set out to fix in the first place after all!).

With the splines engaged, there's another little bolt that holds the lever in place and prevents it turning (and also holds the pawl mechanism) and then tighten up the splined clamp - two spanners through the gear lever hole is more like gynaecology than car mechanics, but I get there.

Then another dive underneath and adjust the cable until the drums start to drag slightly, then back off a bit. Quick check - the lever comes up 3 clicks (4 if you really heave it) so that's sorted!

After I've refitted the exhaust, and cleaned various gearbox oil, diff oil and general chassis shit off my hands, I refit the inner rubber gear gaiter, then the newly coloured outer one, and then fix the console in place, before refitting the gear knob and handbrake gaiter and handle.

Then it's back in with the seats, and at this point I notice that the rear right drivers seat bolt isn't properly bedded into the subframe, and can "click" slightly when you move it. Could this be the cause of the nysterious clonk that I thought was coming from the back of the door or the underside, when the car moves off? Is my fat arse causing the seat to rock slightly? Don't know - but I reset the bolt, then bolt both seats into the car.

After that, it's a simple matter of refitting the radio, and checking that all of the switches in the centre console still work (you never know if you've dislodged a wire with all that moving bits about).

I give the car a wee try up and down the drive (which is only 4 cars long!) just to make sure that the brakes work etc, and to test for that "clonk" and it seems to have gone - but I've thought that before and been wrong, so we'll see. I forego a longer test drive today though, because it's just starting to rain - so instead I go to meet my pal in the pub for a "who's a clever git" drink or two. It doesn't happen often.