:: Diary - June 2011 ::

:: Thursday, June 2, 2011 ::

Not a lot to report on the TVR front this week. I managed to get the S out for a short run on Monday, and it seemed to be fine - and no sign of the clonk I was getting on bumps and when moving away - so maybe it was that seat bolt after all.

What I have mostly been doing this week is updating the S-Series model area on the TVRCC web site - it hadn't been updated for 8 years or so, and although I was promised, I was never given the admin access to be able to do it. That was sorted last week, so a wee bit of research and a wee bit of writing (it was a strain, but I forced myself) and it's a bit more up to date now.

I've also been painting fences and various other housey stuff, and I obviously also have to turn up for work from time to time, so the car has taken a bit of a back seat.

I am now pretty certain I am going to sell the Cerbera. I have written the advert during the week, but I'm leaving it till after the weekend - I need the car for the Sporting Bears Dream Rides, and anyway, I don't want people phoning (assuming they do!) on the one weekend when I'll be too busy to answer calls.

I've also decided what I might fancy next, to replace the Cerb. There aren't many cars that can replace a Cerbera, but I do have something else in mind - a car I think is one of the most beautiful and historic cars ever produced. And even if anybody else disagrees, I'm not bothered... I'm not buying it for them, I'm buying it for me. I'm not going to say too much about it just yet - I need to sell the Cerbera first, then I'll see...

Obviously, I'll also have to decide if it gets its own web site! I don't think so though - this is bloody hard work!

:: Friday, June 3, 2011 ::

I need to get the Cerbera ready for the Sporting Bears tomorrow, so I walk along to the farm to collect it. I don't want to swap cars because I need the S here so that I can take the drivers door to bits before Dave comes on Tuesday to help me re-hang it. I also want to keep the Cerbera here because if I advertise it for sale, I don't want to have to trot along to the farm if anybody wants to see it. So I need them both at the house.

When I get it home (unfortunately not by the most direct route, you can't help a bit of a detour) I give it a wash and dry off. It's roasting sunshine so drying doesn't take long!

Then I decide that I'll take some photos to accompany the advert:

I have to admit - it looks good!

:: Sunday, June 5, 2011 ::

So it's off to the show for the Sporting Bears - I'm up and out at 8 am, being careful to start the Cerbera and roll down the hill on tickover.

The weather's not as warm as it has been earlier this week (in fact it feels bloody freezing) but while I'm waiting for the car to warm up, I'm driving nice and steady - and the car is beautifully smooth, no unusual noises, no misfires - it's perfect. I have plenty time so I just cruise the 60 or so miles to the show. The roads are still quiet so I only need to do a couple of easy overtakes - that's "easy" in a Cerbera, but one of them woulfd have maybe been described as "marginal" in a much slower (normal) car.

It's fast, it's smooth, it's comfortable... why do I want to sell it, right after getting it perfect?

Anyway, I arrive at the show and park up. We are doing "Dream Rides" today, to raise money for kids' charities, and I'm hoping the car attracts a fair bit of interest.

Some say that his wife suggested that he had to wear a race suit all day so that he wasn't allowed to speak, and that he's had to have his suit let out a bit since his heyday... all we know is, he's called the Twig, and he spent the day on our stand.

I do 4 runs over the day - one with the wee lad from 3 years ago, who has searched me out both years since, because he now loves TVRs, one with a girl who likes purple, one with an older girl who also likes purple, and turns out to own a Mk2 3 litre Capri, which she describes as a shed but which is pretty rare!

I'm fair taken by this as well - it's based on a Citroen 2cv, but looks and sounds brilliant!

I speak to a couple of owners of the car I was thinking about buying to replace the Cerb, and they have put me off a bit, to be honest. I also speak to a mechanic who used to work on them, and I'm not sure I'd be any better off. One says that you forget the value of what you have, and after listening to various people comment on the Cerbera over the day, I know he's right... you see TVRs every day and you forget how bleeding magic they are!

Then it's time to leave, and the roads coming back are much busier than they were this morning, and appear to be populated by the 40mph everywhere set - they zoom away from you in town, and then toddle along in processions at the same speed on the open road. A pre-requisite of entry to the club is a complete inability to overtake, as well... To redress the balance and overcome this overtaking shortage, I blast past everything in sight. Although it's not in sight for long...

Then I am delayed for 15 minutes by a breakdown. No not mine, this is the real world, not the unreliable-TVR world inhabited by a certain J Clarkson - somebody has broken down on the city bypass, and between the cops and the "incident support unit" they have closed off one more lane than the one the breakdown is in - so it takes about 20 minutes to do one mile - but the Cerbera doesn't overheat, it's fine.

So the question is - am I still going to sell?

I don't know...

:: Monday, June 6, 2011 ::

Dave has agreed to come round tomorrow and help me to realign the driver's door on the S - no matter how much I've tried, I just can't get it to sit right. So, to save time tomorrow, I go out and take out the speaker and remove the interior trim.

I have finished the Cerbera's advert, and have even taken photos to go with it. I haven't posted the advert yet though...

:: Tuesday, June 7, 2011 ::

Dave arrives and after a bit of checking, removes the bottom hinge: two 13mm bolts holding the hinge to the inside of the door, and one big 17mm bolt that goes through the hinge bush into the "cotton reels" fibreglassed into the body of the car. There is a bit of play in the bush, but he's got a spare one - and a new bolt too!

After tapping the old bush out of the hinge, the new bush taps in, and it's really tight - it's obvious that there's a lot less play (bearing in mind that even a tiny amount of play in the hinge will magnify itself to inches of play at the other end of the door!).

So we refit the hinge, making sure it's the right way round (the big bolt is offset from the centre line of the two wee bolts) and check carefully the gap round the front and back of the door, and along the bottom, It's still too low (scraping the sill along almost the whole length of the door, including round the bottom hinge) so we need to lift the whole door a wee bit. We've reached the limit of adjustment in the bottom hinge, though, and so we need to take the door off to extend the adjustment hole slightly. Even then, the adjustment would affect the rear of the door, but not its height at the front.

That means taking the door off, and that in turn means taking out the top hinge, and lifting the whole door. The two wee bolts in the top hinge come out ok, but the big bolt isn't for turning, and we don't want to apply too much force and rip the captive reel out of the body. So we can't get the door off...

Adding together our collective enginuity (which takes a couple of hours) we decide that if we can get a couple of washers between the top hinge and the door mount, that should lift the door enough to clear the sill. Although it's as fiddly as hell, Dave manages to get a washer in, and tighten it up - and right enough, the front of the door has been lifted just enough. Magic. (Note from December 2024 - this was a stupid idea, and does not actually lift the door at all. Any improvement resulted from putting in the new bottom bush...)

However, by this time it's getting late, and there's an imminent danger of the chip shops closing, so we stop for the night, and decide to finish adjusting the door tomorrow.

I've decided, though, that I'm keeping the Cerbera. I was looking at models of the car I was thinking of (which I thought was pretty rare) and one of them had a wee display plate that said "this is one of only 1,517 cars fitted with (some option that I can't remember - limited slip diff I think) and is therefore very rare. One of only 1517 with that option???? How many did they build without that option? Bearing in mind that (according to figures which seem to vary depending on where you look) TVR only built just over 1,000 Cerberas in total, this is a lot rarer than the "rare" car I was thinking of!

I've only just got it sorted - it's going well, and I should enjoy it for a bit. I like it a lot - just in a different way from the S, that's all.

:: Wednesday, June 8, 2011 ::

Dave pops round again, and we get the door adjusted for height, and also lined up with the rest of the panels around it.

After various fit-check-loosen-nudge-tighten-check-loosen-nudge-tighten cycles, we have it fitted and looking lined up. It's a whole lot better than it was, but it's not perfect - but to fix that, we'd need to take the top hinge out and it's not worth the risk of ripping the whole thing out of the bodywork.

I'm a happy pixie, thanks to Dave. Well I'm never really happy, but I'm a lot less grumpy than I have been lately!

I finish the day with a trip to the chiropractor... I think the car is in better nick than I am...

:: Wednesday, June 15, 2011 ::

Apart from going for a wee run in the Cerbera on Sunday, I haven't done a alot of TVR-tupe stuff over the past week.

I did decide that it's time for an oil change - for both of them! The S gets "as and when" attention over the year, so it doesn't really need a full service, but I want to change the oil before the run to S-club in a week or so. The Cerbera has only done 3,000 miles since it had a big service this time last year, so I think an oil and filter change should see them both right.

So this morning I nipped out to the fotor factors and bought 15 litres of oil - 5 litres of Mobil 1 15/50 for the S, and 10 litres of Millers CFS 5/40 for the Cerbera (yes I know it only takes 6.5 litres, but they don't have any 1 litre bottles). I also bought both oil filters while I was at it.

I decide to start with the S, so I jack it up, remove the sump plug and let the oil drain into a tray. Then it's off with the old filter, on with the new one, refit the sump plug and refill with oil. All in about 10 minutes!

Then I pour the old oil out of the tray into an empty oil tin, and in the bottom of the tray I find... the sump pulg sealing washer. Bugger. So it's back under the car with the catch tray. washer in one hand, socket in the other, remove the pulg till it's just on the last thread, then whip it out, put the washer on with the other hand and screw it back in again - and I only lose a tiny tiny bit of oil in the process. Tighten it all up again, re-check the level and start it up!

As I check for leaks, I notice that both exhaust down pipes are leaking slightly. Again.

Engine off, let the exhaust cool a bit then I remove the six nuts and bolts holding the front of the downpipes to the decat pipes, and the clamp bolt at the join. The down pipes won't come off... and while I'm under the front of the car I feel antifreeze splash into the side of my head - there's coolant in the bottom offside corner of the radiator. That's next on the list, then...

Back to the exhaust. I remove the two mounting bolts at the silencer, and the one at the tailpipes, and take the whole exhaust off the car. With the exhaust on the ground, I can batter the downpipes about a bit with an ever-increasing weight of hammers, until they give up and come apart.

The problem is that the old downpipes had been flattened slightly, and although I bought new down pipes, I couldn't draighten out the front edge of the exhaust itself. So I set about it with some drifts and the hammers again, until I have a better fit in the downpipe.

Then I put it all back together again with new clamps, but without tightening them yet. Then I fit the whole system back on to the car and tighten everything up - start it up and it's perfect!

Right - now for the coolant leak... I follow the coolant trail up the side of the radiator and it seems to be coming from the top hose clamp - so I tighten it a bit, we'll have to see how that goes.

I still need to clean all the oily hand prints off the door we adjusted, and touch in a few paint scratches, and then give the rest of the car a clean.

I also need to change the oil in the Cerbera!

:: Sunday, June 19, 2011 ::

I went out on Friday to clean up the drivers door with some quick detailer, to get all the oily prints off. Then once it had dried, I touched in various scratches on the door and the sill, where the door had been rubbing, right through the paint. I also coloured in some worn bits on the front edge of the bootlid. and various other little bits and pieces.

So today I went out and bought some lacquer, just one of those little touch-up pots, and went over the bits I had touched up. The colour match is better once it's lacquered, but it's still not brilliant. Never mind, is better than having those bits showing bare white fibreglass!

:: Wednesday, June 22, 2011 ::

It's midsummer! It's the longest day of the year! The weather is bound to be brilliant! Em, not quite, it's raining when I get up.

Anyway, rain or shine, it's time to start thinking about getting the S ready for S Club this weekend. There's 6 of us going this year, we've arranged the meeting place, we've arranged the accommodation, no doubt somebody has arranged the route, and the fuel and meal stops. It'll be great just to turn up and be able to follow in the pack, instead of being in front and having to spend all your time looking in the mirrors to nake sure everybody is keeping up and hasn't got themselves lost. I'm really looking forward to that.

By the time I go out, it's still raining slightly, so I leave the S in the garage and start to clean it with quick detailer, polishing it as I go, so that it doesn't get a chance for dust to settle between the washing and the polishing. First the bonnet (mainly because it's closest to the garage door) - clean, wipe, dry, then wax and polish. By the time I have done the bonnet and both sides, the weather has brightened up so I decide to move the Cerb forward a bit and move the S outside, so that I can clean the back where I can see what I am doing.

When I start the Cerb, the engine management light and warning buzzer stays on - as if there's suddenly a fault. It was fine at the weekend but it's been sitting outside in the rain so it's probably just the electrics, or the battery being down a bit, or the moon moving through aquarius or whatever affects the bloody thing. I decide to leave it till it dries out, and see what happens then. Sometimes you just have to say "fuck it".

Back to the S - I clean and polish the back, then the doors shuts and other painted bits of the body, like the windscreen frame and under the bonnet.

A wee bit of white spirit removes the last of the spray grease from around the door hinges, then I polish those bits too.

Then it's on to the dash - the top pad of the dash is manky with dust, so a spray with a cleaner, then a clean with a proper vinyl cleaner, and it's as good as new (or as good as 21-year-old vinyl can be expected to be).

Then it's time to put all those cleaners away, and get the polish out for the rear window. It's not too bad, it doesn't need the full restoration treatment it's had before, so I use Renovo - rub some in, and polish it up, first the outside, then the inside.

I think this is the first time i've got a photo of both TVRs in the same place at the same time!

Now it's the turn of the metal polish! First I do the two exhaust tailpipes, then the headlamp surrounds, then I start on the wheels - after the first wheel, I have to go indoors for the phone, and when I come out again, it's just starting to rain - so it's time to put the S back in the garage, and move the Cerb back. The MIL light and buzzer comes on again - I have a quick look under the bonnet but there's nothing obvious. Sod it, I'll look at it when it's dry!

It's getting near dinner time, and I have a bit of work to do (I've been answering the phone as I go, but I need to do something about some of them!) so I pack up and go in.

Nearly there - I've got the other 3 wheels to do, and then clean the windows, clean the roof, tidy under the bonnet, check that coolant leak, stick some fuel in and I'm ready to go. And no map preparation to do this year! Brilliant!

:: Friday, June 24, 2011 ::

One day to go till we set off for S Club!

So today I need to finish getting the car ready. First job is to finish polishing the wheels - I've only used the car a couple of time since I gave them a mega-polish so they only need a polish and buff up. It still takes ages though... Then i spray on a protective wax, and also dress the tyres.

Then it's on to the glass - a spray of cleaner, a wipe down inside and out, and then a coat of Rain-X in case it rains.

The roof doesn't really need cleaned - I use my "tacky roller" - no that's not Tam Paton, it's meant for lifting cat hairs off your velvet suit, but it also removes fluff and dust from convertible hoods.

I was also going to tidy up the engine bay but I've run out of steam - I must have been sleeping twisted last night, and I'be got a sore neck, which seems to have spread to my back, so that's enough for today I think.

I go down to Halfords to buy more injector cleaner, then go for fuel on the way back up the road. And that's me ready!

I'm all excited...

:: Saturday, June 25, 2011 ::

It's time to set off for S Club. So naturally, it's raining. Not even proper rain, it's that hanging drizzle that gets you wet but you don't realise it's actually raining at all. A pain in the arse, in other words. That particular pain is however completely masked by the pain in my nexk and back which has got worse since yesterday - I can hardly move when I first get up.

I decide to put the put the roof on, before I meet the others. I pack my stuff in the car first, though, while the roof is in the boot, so that I know that I've got room to get everything back in there with the roof panels stored as well! Then I set off to meet Dave, Mike and Jim at a petrol station near my house, and then it's on to Abington services on the M74 to meet Hugh and John, where there's a very nice Cortina 1600E parked opposite us. We decide that the weather has improved enough to take the roofs off - famous last words.

Then it's onto the motorway for the main journey south! The main highlights are a car and caravan pointing in the wrong direction on the hard shoulder (god knows how they got there), an old Riley, and some rain, then some more rain.

Once we're well over the English border, we stop for breakfast / lunch and end up in the overflow car park, because the services are heaving. At this point we're reminded that price does not always guarantee quality - although the food prices are extortionate, you'd be better off eating the empty plate. It's bogging.

We shovel it down our necks, then, before we set off again, some decide to clean their cars a bit. Now even in this tiny photo you can probably see that the sky isn't exactly promising, so I decide that it's likely to rain again, so cleaning is a bit pointless.

I decide not to put fuel in just yet: I want to run as much of that injector cleaner through the system as I can, before I dilute it any more.

No sooner are we back on the motorway, than it starts to rain again - a bit heavier than before, too. We're on the motorway though, so we can't stop, so we just drive on through it - it's the only way to stay dry! At this point I discover that my work to seal the leaky screen has been a total success! Well, at least on the bit I fixed, it's not leakaing at all!

Unfortunately, the absence of water pishing in the passenger side highlights that there is still a leak, which I hadn't noticed before, on the driver's side, So I am driving along again with a cloth in one hand, mopping up water before it drips on me. Deep joy.

And then a very odd thing happens. I'm driving a roofless car in the rain, mopping up water that's coming through the screen seal, while munching through a family bag of Jelly Babies that Hugh bought me, and I think "This is great this" - and it is! It's almost impossible not to like this wee car.

We stop again for fuel and a wee break, and decide that the weather has definitely now improved so we still don't put the roofs on. So that's about 250 miles of roof-off motoring, through sun and rain (plus about 40 miles at the start with the roof on), to get to the hotel we are staying at - but we get there!

We have a couple of hours to rest and wash / spruce up, then we head out for dinner, to the wee pub about 1/4 mile away, that we ended up in last year after walking for hours to find somewhere. The food is fine, the boom-boom karaoke is not so fine, but luckily we escape before the Madonna wannabe is on, and thrills the audience with her rendition of "like a virgin" - which sounds less like Madonna and more like a deranged chimpanzee being nailed to a kettle drum with a Hilti gun. I doubt Simon Cowell would have been impressed...

:: Sunday, June 26, 2011 ::

It's showtime! Entry to the show is between 10 and 10.30, and it's about 20 minutes from where we are. so we've agreed to set off at 8.45 to allow for a wee breakfast stop, in the biker's cafe in the opposite direction, something to do with a bird in leather trousers with a big chopper. I think somebody's mixing up last year's breakfast with a holiday in Thailand, but whatever floats your boat I suppose (no names, I promised Mike).

We're out earlier though (some earlier than others) to clean yesterday's road grime off the cars. This can vary from a quick spray and wipe down (that's me, my back and neck are still sore, so I'm knackered after about half an hour) to serious detailing and polishing, with toothbrushes and cotton buds in evidence.

It's still early, but already it's roasting, so, pausing only to apply a liberal coating of sun cream ("Sun Factor Duffellcoat") and a hat, it's off to the cafe, where there are no bikers at all. Well there are two, but they are about as far removed from Thai ladyboys as you can get, without moving to another species which hasn't quite mastered the "lifting your knuckles off the ground when you walk" thing yet.

Breakfast is good, but spoiled, for me at least, by the huge pile of warm sloppy tomato mush in the middle of the plate, that everything else is sitting on top of. I don't like tomatoes. Everything tastes of tomato. I think you'll see the problem.

At long last, it's on to the show. We're going to Weston House, so we check the arrival instructions, which tell you what gate to use to enter the estate. Stick that in the sat nav, easy-peasy and we're off. It takes us 20 minutes to get there, only to find TVRs swarming about in different directions looking for the way in. The entry we were told to use, isn't. We are waved back back by other TVR drivers who suggest we follow them, and then whoosh off into the distance while we are stuck behind some dawdling Peugeot, so we don't see where they go. We turn into another gate, which tells you, after you've turned in, that it's a no entry, so another U-turn required. Back along to a third gate - there's a sign saying "authorised vehicles only". We sit about there for ages, before heading back to the first gate, the one we were told to use - nope, it's just a wee public car park. Then we finally get directions from a bystander, and head back to gate 3, ignore the "authorised vehicles" sign and finally get to the show!

One wee sign (or accurate directions) would have been nice. 300 miles then you can't find the bloody place from 300 yards away.

Anyway, we're here now, and it's good to meet old friends again, and to be able to put faces to people you've only ever written to. I get involved in various discussions, including the source of the bonnet strut, then the work I did to resurface my seats and centre console, then the wee seat belt mod bracket, then the state of my dashboard veneer.

I'm particularly interested in a left-hand drive car that's over here from Germany, they are touring the UK and came to S Club before going on to the Goodwood Festival in a couple of days. Their car is interesting though, because the engine bay is completely different from anything I've seen before.

The engine is the same (obviously!) but for a start, the bonnet is on a very neat double-hinge and damper strut solution that lifts it up and forwards, so that the bonnet goes vertical while the car is on level ground. The hinges incorporate quick-release pins, and the wiring to all the front lights, indicators etc all goes through a single plug - so you unplug one connector, remove 2 pins and the bonnet lifts off. Zey are very clever, zose Chermans.

The exhaust, instead of going back as a double system, is siamesed into a single pipe in front of the engine, which then goes back beside the sump (not under it) so it doesn't hang below the chassis at all, till it gets to the centre box. There's another 3 inches of ground clearance!

It has a very clever throttle linkage that removes the J-plate and has the cable acting directly on the throttle spindle, pulling instead of pushing.

Finally the cooling system is a lot tidier, with the expansion bottle on the swirl pot, and a lot fewer coolant and emissions pipes. I mean, you can see the oil filter (and reach it!) from above!

It really makes the engine bay look a lot less cluttered. I like it, a lot.

At one point, I give the offside rear wheel of my own car a bit of a wipe down - it's just got a few splashes of mud on. When I go to get up though, my back's not for it, so I grab the tyre to help me up. As I let go, I feel the wheel move slightly. I grab the top of the tyre and pull the car side to side, and there's nothing - but just as you let go, you can hear and feel a very slight play. I'll have to look at that.

I also collect the fuel injectors I bought from Ken.

Ian wins the "Best S1 / S2" category, and Dave wins "best in show" so they're both happy. Thank god.

I don't win anything (again) not even in the raffle. There should be a category for "most comprehensive (and public) service history".

Afterwards we take the customary photos of the Scottish contingent (plus Ian) before heading off for ice cream and then back to the hotel.

Despite the "Duffellcoat" sun cream and a wide-brimmed hat, I'm still sunburnt. A wee rest, some web-site writing, then it's out to dinner in a karaoke-free environment, where Mike suddenly announces that he's got to be home by 3.00 pm tomorrow so that he can get ready to be on a business flight to Amsterdam at 6pm. So we'll be leaving earlier than we had planned.

:: Monday, June 27, 2011 ::

Believe it or not, I'm tired of writing. So I'll keep this brief.

We came home today. We left at 7.30am, drove for a bit, stopped for fuel and a breakfast (with no fecking tomatoes) and then drove some more, till Jim zoomed past and waved me up a slip road. Dave has broken down: fuel pump relay. He's got it going though, so we're soon on our way again. Then Jim zooms past again, up the next slip road, same problem, same outcome, we agree to meet at the next services. A wee coffee while the wiring stops melting then we're off again - home in a oner!

As soon as we cross the border, the sun disappears. Another 20 miles or so, and it's raining - not proper rain, but that persistent hanging drizzle that gets you wet without you noticing (which is where we came in on Saturday). The sky looks like it's about to show us what proper rain is though, so we stop and put the roofs on - and it's a good job we did. We arrive home in heavier rain then when we left on Saturday. Everybody else in my street is chalk white, and I look like I've spent a year in the Sahara.

So, car safely in garage, no additions to list of things to do (apart from "seal the other bit of windscreen" and "check for that play in the rear wheel"). Oh and "tidy up coolant pipes", "design new improved bonnet hinge" and "change the brake servo for an integral reservoir".

Not a bad outcome!

:: Tuesday, June 28, 2011 ::

Went out today to check for that rear wheel movement. Pull the car side to side - not a sign. Jack the rear up, and pull, twist and turn the wheel. Still not a sign. Take the wheel off, and check the bushes with a bar, to detect any play. Not a sign.

As I am putting the jack back down, I can hear the body creaking against the chassis. A quick check shows a lot of tiny stones wedged between the body and the sill tubes, so I push them all out with a thin scraper. Then I tighten the rear body bolts and the seat belt mountings - they aren't exactly loose, but I manage to get them a little bit tighter.

I can't see anything else wrong, so I'll leave it at that.

:: Wednesday, June 29, 2011 ::

I'm back to thinking about the Cerbera and its engine management light. What I need to do is get it talking to a laptop - but the ECU likes old versions of windows, and it uses a serial port (and you don't see many of those nowadays! I set up an old laptop before, but it didn't work - it didn't have a serial port though, so I USB to serial converter, which works for everything else - but not Cerbera ECUs apparently. I did ask on Pistonheads, and they said I should set the port to COM1 - I did that but they still wouldn't speak to each other.

But I am now in a position where I have to either

(a) drive the car with the MIL light on, to a specialist (nearest one 110 miles away) to find out why the MIL light is on in the first place; or

(b) trailer the car to the same specialist; or

(c) find out what's wrong with it and save myself all the hassle.

Now I am pretty sure that the problem is water ingress - it was sitting outside in some serious rain, and I know that it doesn't like rain - funny things have happened before. If that's what it is, then (a) would do no harm, while (b) would be a waste of money. But if it's water ingress, I'm better finding that myself. If it's not, then (a) could knacker the car permanently.

No, the first sensible option is to try to get in to the ECU and find what fault codes are logged - that will tell me why the MIL is on. For example, I was reading that the car has 2 throttle pots, and if one fails (due to water ingress or anything else) then the ECU substitutes the value from the other TP - so the engine still runs, but the MIL light comes on. That's just one possibility, but it's worth a proper look and diagnostic. I mean, how hard can it be?

So today I decided to persevere with getting the diagnostic software on to a computer that is likely to be able to speak to the Cerb. I have a pile of 9 (yes 9!) old laptops under the workbench, and 5 of them have serial connectors. Of those, 2 don't have chargers, and of the remaining 3, 1 won't come on at all, and the other has a broken screen (although I can swap screens if I have to!). That leaves 1 sad old laptop as my (nearly) only hope.

It boots up, it's not password-protected with some old password I've forgotten, so far so good. I have the Cerb diagnostic software on a CD and put that in. It doesn't read it. After trying different CDs in that computer, and the Cerb CD in mine, it's obvious that the CD reader is bust. It has a USB connector though, so I use my own PC to copy the CD onto a memory stick, and then load the software onto the old PC from the stick. So far so good!

Now all I need is the Cerb but it's along at the farm, and I don't want to guddle about over there with diagnostics etc, I want to do it here - so the next step is to swap the TVRs around.

I bet the bloody thing starts no problem, no faults, when I go to collect it, now that it's spent a week on charge, in a dry garage...

:: Thursday, June 30, 2011 ::

I was busy today (yes I was!) so didn't get around to looking at the Cerbera till mid-afternoon - by which time it was raining, and I decided there was no point, after leaving it to dry out, in driving it here in the rain and starting the whole thing again! So I loaded the computer, charger, some electrical contact cleaner, a flashlight, a few screwdrivers and allen keys, an electrical extension lead and several pages of instructions into a box and went along to the farm.

Well contrary to my cynical optimism yesterday, it didn't start as if nothing had happened - the MIL was still on. At least it's consistent!

OK - computer plugged in and switched on, take serial lead to the ECU (my ECU has a flying lead permanently installed so you don't have to dimantle the ECU to plug the lead in). Switch on the ignition, disarm the immobiliser and... what do you know! The screen fills with numbers!

A study of those numbers, combined with going through the instructions step-by-step, reveals that lambda sensor number 1 has a logged fault, and that the adaptives on the right-hand 4 cylinders (that is, the variations made by the ECU to the fuel / ignition maps on that side) are pretty high.

Those are the only items that are outside the recommended ranges - everything else seems perfect. So I clear the fault code logs, clear the adaptives, and then start the engine, to see if the problem is still there. It is - the MIL light comes on right away, the Lambda sensor fault code is logged again, the right-side adaptives are all over the place, and the afr (air-fuel ratio) on that side is, as an expert tuner would describe it, "fucked".

The software includes a function to watch real-time graphs, and that shows Lambda 2 is cycling between zero and 0.9 volts, as it should, while Lambda 2 is stuck on 1.8 volts. Again, apart from the AFR on one side, everything else seems normal and within range with the engine running.

So this suggests that Lambda 1 is broken and needs replacing. The sensor is in the exhaust beside the gearbox though, and I haven't brought a jack and axle stands to lift the car so I can reach it, or spanners or sockets to get it out.

Just at this point the computer reports "hard disk failure" and goes "phut" and I can't get it back on - it says it can't find an operating system. I remember now why I replaced it in the first place...

No more to do today, I need a Lambda sensor, I have no tools with me, so I pack up and go home.

I ask about these symptoms on PH, and a couple of people suggest that it might be water ingress - now as I said yesterday, that was my thought too, and it makes a lot of sense... I do a bit of searching and people have had problems with water getting into the sensor, into the wiring connectors on the bulkhead (the connectors are apparently made of a material similar to Christmas pudding, so water penetration isn't exactly uncommon), or even into the ECU itself and shorting out pins (so that the ECU can't read the outputs, and sets that reading to 1.8 volts - sound familiar?).

A bit more searching reveals that TVR specialists want �130 for a lambda sensor - but further research reveals that they are standard Range Rover items, available for �60 or so... so not the end of the world! I think I'll order one anyway, but get the car back along to the house after the weekend (I'm keeping the S here just now because I need it for the club meeting on Sunday) and then look for watery connections at the ECU and along the cables to the lambdas.

I've just spent another hour looking through those computers again - I found a charger for the 2 which were missing, and managed to get one of them to work - the touchpad doesn't work though so you have to use a mousey thing. I install the software on to that, so we're cooking again!