:: Diary - July 2012 ::

:: Sunday, July 1, 2012 ::

I've decided to give the TVR Car Club meeting a miss, and take the Cerbera down to Hexham today, and make use of the room that I've paid for. So I set off from home, 110 miles to go, and almost immediately join the back of a line of 40 mph dawdlers. The kind who slow down for speed cameras, even although they are already 20 mph under the bleeding limit.

Never mind though, 10 miles later and we're on the city bypass dual carriageway, we'll soon be past. And we are - only to now encounter the 50mph in the outside lane club, and no I won't move to the nearside lane because I'm sure I see one car in it, between here and the fecking horizon, doing 0.5 mph less than me...

So it's off the dual carriageway after another 10 miles and that's it, it's single file the rest of the way. Well that seems to be the prevailing theory, but when you're in a Cerb, the practice is to pick them off singly or in twos or threes on the straight bits that they think are too short to overtake on (ie anything shorter than the Bonneville Salt Flats).

After another 10 miles or so of that (and the notable progress of a girl in a Peugeot 308 who is still behind me after a series if well-executed overtakes), we catch up to a procession of 20 (I counted) vehicles. At the front is a Toyota Landcruiser whose accelerator seems to be stuck on exactly 35 mph. Behind him is a van pulling a trailer, who has no chance of overtaking, but is happy not to leave any space for anybody who can.

Behind them are 18 people who don't know how to overtake, so we tootle along in our 35 mph conga, open roads or towns and villages, it matters not a jot. For it is written in the scripture that thy chosen speed shall be 35 miles per hour, and in each hour shalt thou travel 35 miles, and so neither 34 nor 36 miles shalt thou travel in that hour, but 35 only. For he who is first shall be last, and he who is last, shall be first, providing that he can pass. But it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a wise man to pass 20 in a oner, particularly where the road has been marked with double white lines along most of its length, and where the few remaining straight bits have been implanted with speed cameras, for so it was decreed by the fuckwitted philistines.

20 fucking miles that lasts. 20 miles where I creep closer to the front of the queue, not by passing anything (apart from an Astra wheezing even slower up a hill), but because people keep pulling off to die of boredom, starvation, or just old age.

But at last, after 20 miles, I am near enough to the front and manage to get past, and cruise off down the road. Next thing I know, the mirror is full of Peugeot again. She's good.

After what has felt like a week, I finally reach the English border, where the Peugeot turns off. The roads are much quieter now so progress is better, and I'm soon in Hexham where I park up and get out after two and a half hours. That's an average speed of 44mph. Even my old NSU Prinz, 650 cc of aircooled asthmatics, was quicker than that, 30-odd years ago.

Are modern roads really that much busier? On a Sunday? Or is it just that I'm a sodding dinosaur in this "speed is bad" obsessed age?

:: Monday, July 2, 2012 ::

Up early, breakfast that would choke a horse, and I'm at the garage doors before opening time. Easy.

When I go back to collect it, they show me the bits they took off - one absolutely knackered top diff bush, and two side bushes with very bent mounting plates, from where the diff has been moving about. So with car sorted and wallet emptied, I set off for home.

After the customary crawl out of Hexham (that road is always heaving, any time of the day) I head off back the same route I came down. No caravans, no hundreds of dawdling tourists, just easy progress and regaular overtaking opportunities. The car feels better, much smoother and less wandery, although maybe that's just me trying to convince myself.

I get home in just under 2 hours, not counting the first half-mile. That's an average speed of about 55 mph - 25% better than yesterday, and even that wasn't tanning it at all. My old asthmatic NSU couldn't have maintained that as a MAXIMUM never mind an average. Technological progress has prevailed.

Well, almost. The windscreen washers aren't working. I can't hear, over the racket of non-catalysed sports exhaust, if the motor is working or not. As one problem is solved, another rears its bastard head.

:: Tuesday, July 3, 2012 ::

First task - windscreen washers. I try the button, and I can hear the motor. I can also smell washer fluid, but there's none reaching the screen. There's a lot on the ground though. I remove the screen panel and find that the hose is brittle and has split at a connector just where it runs along the loom above the starter. Old brittle hose, wriggle starter past it a few times, and it splits.

Halfords don't have any - well they do but it's too big. B&Q sell some hose for fishtanks though at 98p per metre - it's a little bit too small but that helps keep it in place, eh?

Back home, cut off about 6 inches (although the wife says it was more like 3) and then dip the end in boiling water so that it pushes on.

Sorted!

Then I take the Cerb along to the farm and bring the S back. Although S Club has been cancelled, we're still going to have a wee run ourselves, so I'll take the S and show a bit of solidarity.

Still no word from the repairer or my insurance company about the Lexus. I'm in no hurry, I'll give them enough rope...

:: Thursday, July 5, 2012 ::

I finally cracked and phoned up Privilege and asked them why nobody had been in touch for over a week. "Oh has nobody called you?" they said. "We were going to arrange another inspection." Aye, I knew that, thanks...

I ask them which department deals with complaints about the complaints department. They can't compute that.

After I have explained that if they do not have a procedure to escalate complaints to a higher level, I have thought of one myself, and they might not like it, they get a bit more focussed. 10 minutes later, I get a call and we arrange a re-inspection for Wednesday.

There now, that wasn't so hard, was it?

:: Friday, July 6, 2012 ::

First, S-Club was cancelled because - well I'm not really very sure. Something to do with financial risk, for an event that I thought was essentially free. Still, it's cancelled.

So we have a free weekend this week, so we were planning on having our own mini-S-Club. Even for us, though, the weather is putting up a hell of a fight. It's been pissing rain for a week, and the forecast would have Noah reaching for the gopher wood and the nails. Rain, thunderstorms, flood warnings, and then more rain. Not exactly conducive to a pleasant driving weekend.

So at 4pm today, we decide to call it off, and arrange something else when (or if) we get decent weather. It's a good job I've been too bleeding lazy to clean the S then, eh?

At 4.10, Adrian calls, saying that, seeing as I now have a free weekend, could I have a look at the steering on his Chimaera. "Just a little help" he says. While I am mentally running through a checklist of how to dismantle a whole steering system to its component parts, he goes on to explain that he thinks he has a worn steering UJ. Once I have explained how to test (by feel rather than looking or listening) he decides to have a go himself to save me driving (or sailing) over.

I also received an email from a man in Holland, asking about the provenance of his S. It has a bit of an unexplained gap in its history, but we've devised a way to find out. He needs to spend £20 to do it though, so we'll see.

:: Wednesday, July 11, 2012 ::

Well the man from Privilege Insurance (that’s who he said he was, so we’ll call him that for now, until his secret identity is revealed) arrived today to inspect the Lexus. Unfortunately it’s pishing rain, so inspection of swirl marks and orange peel isn’t easy, so we stand in the garage and he takes my word for it that it’s the same as it was last time he looked at it (because it’s the same “man from Privilege”.

He asks me to email him my letter on 20 June, so that he understands what my concerns are, and says he’ll email me when he gets back to his office so that I have his address. And he does.

Unfortunately, his email address is the same as the garage repairer, not Privilege, So his “independence” might not be all that I was led to believe it was. So when I send him the letter, I also point out that the relationships here are all a wee bit to cosy, which does not appear to me to be in the best interests of the customer.

I tell him that I would prefer that the same garage completes the repair properly, and then there is no argument in the event of future problems. However, they have had more than enough opportunities to put this right, and have amply demonstrated their inability to do so, so I am considering exercising my right, even at this late stage, to have the car repaired properly by a garage of my choice (the one that fixed the S and then the Cerb).

I tell him that before I make up my mind, I wish to escalate my complaint, to ensure that whatever happens next, takes proper account of my concerns. Their complaints department has also let me down.

So I forward the whole lot to the Chief Executive of RBS's insurance division, who, no doubt, has better things to do than deal with the inconvenience of disgruntled customers, but it appears that I have no alternative.

:: Thursday, July 12, 2012 ::

Oh no what have I done?

It would appear that my email to the Chief Exec has stirred Privilege into action. Or maybe it was just a coincidence.

First I get a call from Privilege Customer Relations (the girl who told me on Thursday that they had no procedure to escalate complaints. She is on the phone for ages, going through my letter from 2 weeks ago, sentence by sentence, to make sure that they understand what I am now happy with, and what I'm not.

Then I get a phone call from the garage, apologising and telling me that they would like one more chance. I let them grovel a bit, we book the car in for next Tuesday, and they promise to get their manager to call me when he returns from holiday on Tuesday, before they start work.

Then I get another phone call from the Chief Exec's department, who goes through the letter again, and says she'll be phoning the garage, the complaints department and the "independent" engineer to make sure that they all get it right next time.

We'll see.

But at least, for the first time, they seem to be interested in trying, rather than adopting the "blind man doing a Rubik cube" technique. (Clickety-click, is that it? Clickety click, is that it?)

In other news, bearing in mind that this is supposed to be a TVR owner's web site, not random ramblings about nothing to do with TVRs (unless you happen to be insured with Privilege), I went into Halfords today to get spark plugs so that I can service the S. I was holding the ones I thought I needed but they insisted on being helpful, and offered to look it up on their computer, from the registration number. "Bet it doesn't tell you" says I.

I was right. But then, in a determined effort to be helpful, he opened a drawer and pulled out a catalogue, and looked up TVR S3C - and there it was - and the recommended plugs were the ones I already had in my greasy mitt.

Reassuring though - that's the first time I can recall, that anybody in Halfords knew what a TVR is - usually they ask "Aye but who makes it - is it a Honda?"

:: Friday, July 13, 2012 ::

The nice lady from the Chief Executive's department called me back in the morning, as promised. She has spoken to the garage, and apparently their excuse for not seeing the swirl marks was "if it's only obvious in sunlight then we wouldn't see it in our garage, or when we inspect it outside if it's not sunny".

She gathers from my derisory guffaw that I might not be affording that excuse the credibility they thought it deserved. I suggest that, being a big approved bodyshop and all, staffed by fuly-trained painters and polishers with all the latest equipment, they might want to invest in something I use when I'm polishing cars in my windowless sparsely lit garage - something new and exciting called "a bright light". Even a little bright artificial light (the LED on the back of my phone, for example) shows up shyte polishing techniques, even if it's not sunny.

She understands straight away, and says she'll go back to the garage and tell them my response. She's got her teeth into this - I wouldn't like to take an opened paypacket home to this one. I'm glad she seems to be on my side.

Somebody pointed out that I haven't named the offending garage so far. That's because if I keep using the word "UK Assistance" all over the place, then a search engine indexing "UK Assistance" might pick it up, and then within a few days of indexing, anybody googling for "UK Assistance" might be directed here, as well as to the UK Assistance web site, because it would detect that UK Assistance was mentioned several times, and that would place it further up the search rankings, and that obviously wouldn't be any good to anybody searching for the UK Assistance web site. So I've tried not to mention UK Assistance to avoid any possibility of potential UK Assistance customers being misdirected here, just because UK Assistance is mentioned often.

Another problem for google searchers can be web links. You see, if a particular web site links to other web sites that mention, say, UK Assistance, then that also would place that web site further up the rankings for anybody searching for UK Assistance. So for example, just for the sake of demonstration, if I was to have links to :

this site at Money Saving Expert

or this one here

or this one here, which is talking about the very garage dealing with my car

then the search engines would think that this site had something to do with UK Assistance because it had so many links to them. So I'd better not post too many links to other sites mentioning UK Assistance, or mention UK Assistance myself too often, because that wouldn't be at all helpful to people looking for the UK Assistance web site, would it?

Note - I would urge you NOT to look at the sites linked to above, because:
(a) if people click on the links and follow them, that only convinces the search engines that those links are important. so this site looks even more relevant to people looking for UK Assistance, and
(b) those linked web sites might give completely the wrong impression of UK Assistance, who I am sure can get it right sometimes.

There now, nobody can say that wasn't balanced.

:: Monday, July 16, 2012 ::

After a lazy non-TVR weekend, I decided that today is the day to service the S. So I decide that first, I'll adjust the bonnet so that it sits properly - the passenger side is ok but the drivers side sits too high and leaves a gap between the bonnet and the top of the door and wing. The join above the wheelarch is also really tight, and is wearing the paint away. I think that is preventing the rear of the bonnet from going down properly. It's been like that for years, but I'm going to have a go, at last, at sorting it.

I start by driving the car up onto a couple of bits of wood, then I remove the gas strut so that I can get the bonnet vertical (this where the two bits of wood come into play, see, they stop the front of the bonnet hitting the ground. That lets me remove the inner wheelarches (2 bolts each side) so that I can get to the hinges.

This photo shows the hinge assembly. I notice that the bit of the hinge that's fixed to the bonnet (not the chassis) is bent between the pivot bolt (A) and the adjustable fixing nuts (C), so the first job is to straighten that up. To give better access, I jack up the car and take the offside wheel off, then slacken the locknut (A) into the chassis, and remove the two adjustable nuts (C) on the bonnet part. Then with the bonnet down and supported in position with the wheel on its side, and some bits of wood on top, I remove the main pivot bolt, and take the adjuster out of the bonnet bit.

That lets me put the adjuster bolt into a vice and straighten it up, before reassembling the hinge part then the pivot bolt back into the chassis.

The photo also shows how much that front bit of the chassis needs painting!

Then I put the wheel back on and lower the car back onto the wooden block.

So then it's on to adjusting it into position so that it lifts the front of the bonnet slightly, so that the back can go down and sit parallel with the top of the door. This involves a lot of trial and error, before I realise that the bonnet locking pins are pulling the bonnet into the position it was in, regardless of how the hinges are adjusted. I remove both bonnet pins so that I can align the bonnet to sit properly. I lift the front upwards and slightly forward, till it's almost perfect.

Happy so far.

Then I put masking tape over the locking pin holes, and replace one locking pin. With a blob of grease on the tip, it's easy to see where the locking pin lands on the masking tape, and then loosen and adjust the pin until it's in the centre of the lock. Close bonnet, check its position - perfect. Check it unlocks - perfect. Then do the same with the other locking pin. It takes a few more minutes to adjust the length of the bonnet pins so that they hold the bonnet at the right height, and it looks a lot better!

Then I make up a couple of cardboard templates, for the wee lip in the front of the tub, where the bonnet joins above the wheel arch, and for the rear edge of the bonnet wheelarch at that same point. That lets me cut a couple of bits of foam to shape and stick them on. Those two parts were really tight together before, so the foam was getting squashed out - now there's a 1/4 inch gap that the 2 layers of foam fit perfectly.

That sounds easy but all of that took me three hours! Admittedly I was faffing with checking emails (it is a working day after all!) but it's still a time consuming process.

I need to replace the inner wheel arch and refit the gas strut and then that's it finished - a job I have been putting off for years.

All of this distracts me from the fact that the Lexus is going back to the garage tomorrow (the one that I had better not name), but nobody has called with arrangements for a replacement car. Last time, they forgot and only arranged it at the last minute when I asked them. I was hoping for a bit more attention this time, but maybe I was wrong... it's too late now to do anything about it today, so we'll see what happens tomorrow.

:: Tuesday, July 17, 2012 ::

Well the saga of the Lexus continues and today didn't start well. I call up the car hire company to ask what time my replacement car will be delivered. They have no record of a car hired in my name or in the name of UK Assistance (oops did I say that out loud again?). I try to sound surprised, but fail miserably.

So... I decide not to call the garage, I get back on to the Chief Exec's department. She goes mental. She says she will call the garage, using phrases like "boot some backsides" and "fire a rocket up them" which, although not entirely professional, I find somehow to be reassuring.

5 minutes later I get a call from the car hire company - car to be delivered today, they'll pick me up after my own car is collected.

5 minutes after that, the lady at the Chief Exec's department calls again - she's still not happy, they promised her the world last Friday and they haven't delivered. I make the point that if this is the very best customer service they can do, when they are under pressure to be on their very best behaviour, it doesn't say much for their normal standards. She says the manager has explained that it's a one-off. I tell her that a very brief internet search suggests otherwise, and that after my experiences, if they told me that today is Tuesday, and even if I already thought it was Tuesday, I would still check the calendar.

So eventually, they turn up and collect the car. He complains that it's mucky so he can't photograph the condition. I explain that's because I haven't washed it so that they can't blame for for scratching it or swirling it when cleaning it. Touche.

So off he goes. 20 minutes after that, the hire company arrive to pick me up. When I get there, they have upgraded me to a Nissan Qashqai diesel. And it's very nice, too. After a bit of a potter about, I get home, go down the shops, the stuff you do. Then I fill it with diesel because I'll be doing about 150 miles tomorrow and about 90 on Thursday. £55 that costs me.

As I leave the garage, the engine management warning light comes on. Nope, it's definitely diesel (there's a big sticker on the fuel flap for the hard of understanding). When I get home, I switch it off and on again. Now there are two engine lights, one is red, one is orange. According to the manual, one is the engine management warning light, the other is the engine management indicator light. Switch off and on again, this time only the orange one stays on.

Whatever the difference between them is, the manual says "don't drive the bloody thing, take it to a dealer or you'll invalidate the warranty". So I phone the rental company. It's 4.30 pm. They'll see what they can do.

I need to be 70 miles from here first thing tomorrow, for work. Again, I'm not hopeful, but they do ring back to say that they have tracked down another car but can't deliver it tonight, it'll be 7.30 am tomorrow. A bit last-minute but if they stick to the plan I can live with it.

The garage also call me to say that they think they should have it sorted this week, and will call on Thursday. We'll see.

In the middle of all that, I do manage to get the S back together again. Although not suitable for the job I have to do tomorrow (limited boot space) that might turn out to be my only choice!

:: Tuesday, July 17, 2012 (Supplementary!) ::

I was speaking to Git Jnr tonight, and he says that he has heard of a number of Nissan diesels where the engine management light comes on if you put supermarket diesel in. He says that people he knows have just ignored it and it's been fine. A search online confirms that it's not unusual. He hasn't seen it himself though. Well he has now! This fault came up 100 yards after I had filled up at Morrisons, so that probably explains it.

There's no warning on the car about diesel quality - it just says "diesel". My last Lexus had a label warning to only use low-sulphur diesel (although all diesel sold in the UK supposedly complied) but this Nissan says nothing.

I hope it's not knackered - it's brand new and had only done 6 miles in total when I picked it up at lunchtime...

:: Wednesday, July 18, 2012 ::

The man turned up from the Car Hire company at 7.30am. All they have managed to scrape together is a BMW 330D M-Sport in resale metallic grey. It'll have to do. I do 170 miles in it today, and it's very nice! According to Git Jnr, the figures show that it's slightly slower to 60 than the Lexus though, and the cupholder's broken.

At least now I'm getting the test drive I asked for on 14 January 2007, but the BMW salesman never called me back, so I bought the first Lexus instead.

:: Saturday, July 21, 2012 ::

The accident repair garage phoned yesterday, and said that the car had been sorted this time, and had passed all quality inspections. He used the word "perfect" even. He said that the car would be returned this morning.

And this morning, they delivered the car, as promised. It didn't arrive on a lorry though, the man drove it up. I recognise him as one of the previous lorry drivers. He says he parked around the corner and drove it up. Obviously he's been warned not to give me time to scribble all over his delivery sheet before he can put all his ramps up and put away his tie straps.

Just as well… The orange peel effect is completely unchanged, bits of the car still look like, well, an orange!

Worse than that, though, is that, in attempting to remove the one or two swirly bits that were left after their previous 3 attempts, they have polished the whole car and left the whole thing swirly. This photo shows the back edge of the bonnet and wing, and believe me, it's difficult to capture, in a photo, how bad the car looks in reality. It looks like it has been polished with a brillo pad. It's all right if it's not sunny though, or as long as I (literally) don't look at the bright side.

This was supposed to be their very best effort, Chief Exec breathing down their neck and all. Either (a) they are absolutely fucking useless and wouldn't recognise "quality control" if it bit them on the arse, or (b) they are just taking the piss. It has to be (b) - it just has to be…

I fire off another email to the Chief Exec's department telling him all this, and asking what I do next. I honestly don't know - I am not handing it back to them, but I don't want anybody else to fix it either because that lets the useless wriggling bastards off the hook if I need to call on the 5-year repair guarantee (I thought the 5 years referred to the durability of the repair, not to how long it would take them to get it bleeding right). I do mention the "mockery and publicity" option, but at the end of the day, that doesn't get the car fixed.

:: Monday, July 23, 2012 ::

Much to my surprise, the manager at the garage calls me first thing this morning (before "opening hours" for the Chief Exec's office), to check that the car is OK now. He sounds really surprised when I say it's not. He checked it, and the QA man checked it in bright sun on Friday, even moving it to change the angle, and they couldn't see any problem. He doesn't believe that I have a hoot that shows it - there is no way it can be bad enough to show in a photo.

I email him the photo.

He calls me back to say that he sees what I mean.

He offers to send out an independent detailer, that they use sometimes, on a sunny day. Might wait long enough considering the amount of rain that has fallen over the last 2 months! The detailer will call and arrange a suitable time, when the sun is out. The manager assures me that they will sort this out.

Reluctant as I am, I have to give them this one last chance.

Then I phone the Chief Exec's dept to tell them this, and not to go in guns blazing after the email I sent on Saturday. She sounds disappointed.