:: Diary - May 2015 ::

:: Saturday, May 2, 2015 ::

Back to these roof panels. I’ve bought another tin of spray glue (after an episode in B&Q where they asked me for proof of age - I mean look at me, how much proof do you need? If they asked for proof that I am alive, I would understand).

So we’re ready for panel 2. Spray the inside of the panel. Spray the back of the vinyl. Leave to dry. Then stick them together. Easy, eh?

Getting it all to follow the contour of the roof isn’t easy at all - it’s not flat, it’s got a “hollow” for your 1980s perm, so the vinyl doesn’t sit flat. Eventually, though, I’ve got a reasonably smooth finish so I decide to call it a day. I’m not going to have time to stick the seals on though, before the Car Club meeting tomorrow.

This is critical, because, although we have now had 25 days (i.e. since the day after the last Car Club meeting) of continuous dry weather, and even blistering sun at stages, and at the moment, there isn’t a cloud in the sky, it’s inevitable that tomorrow, it’s going to pish down on TVR Car Club day. Place your bets!

:: Sunday, May 3, 2015 ::

It’s TVR Car Club day. Ergo, it’s pishing down.

I have a look at the panels, on the off-chance that I might be able to stick the seals on early. The first panel still looks horrible, the second one (that I did yesterday) looks like I forgot to use any glue at all…

I’ll take the Porsche.

I meet up with Jim and Dave, and also Ian who has made the trip because it’s Dave’s birthday. We set off, with me in front (Dave doesn’t like leading, Ian obviously don’t know the way, Jim pretends he doesn’t) along a reasonably scenic route - well, as scenic as it can be when you’re looking at it through full-speed wipers.

When we get there, Ian points out that one of my tail lights isn’t working. The front sidelight on the same side, isn’t working. I know that those are fed through the same fuse (from my fuse box studies before re-wiring the headlights through relays) so it’s more than just a bulb change…

Anyway, into the venue, where we order our lunch via a duo behind the bar who seem to be sharing one half-worn duracell battery between them.

Lunch itself is very nice, although there is a distraction caused by the smell of bullshit from further up the table. I’m not even in the mood to pretend that this bollocks is amusing. Other chat includes roof panels (natch), trophies (natch), nicking each others food (natch) and an excursion to a car show next Sunday (maybe not so natch if I can’t get two bits of vinyl to stick to two fibreglass panels).

Then it’s time for the main event - Dave’s birthday cake, decorated with photos of his TVR exploits over the years. It’s only got two candles on though, just so that he doesn’t run out of breath blowing them out. It’s a nice cake too - even the photos are edible.

Then it’s time for the journey home.

:: Tuesday, May 5, 2015 ::

Right, back to these roof panels because I’ll need them for Sunday.

First it’s back to B&Q for the 3rd tin of glue I’ve bought in a week - a pot of brush-on stuff this time.

I lift half of the vinyl on the second panel, glue both surfaces and wait till they are dry before putting them back together and sticking down the edges. Not bad. Then I do the same to the other half.

Then I go back to the first panel - it’s not too bad, just a couple of edges, so I lift those, clean them up and stick them down again.

Then I put both panels on the floor, and get King Kong to plant a bum cheek in each panel, then hold up Nellie the Elephant and her fully-packed trunk in one hand, and a 25-tonne crane counterweight in the other, and persuade him so stay there for a couple of days till this feckin useless glue gets a grip. He gets pissed off and wanders away after 5 minutes to climb the Forth Bridge, so I use a couple of growbags instead. I might still get wet, but at least I’ll have tomatoes to eat when I get there.

Oh the Porsche - as suspected, I find a blown fuse. I put another one in, and it blows as soon as I switch the sidelights on. The car is going back for a final polish in the next week or so, plus any “snagging” so I’ll add this to the list (the only other item being that the radio aerial in the windscreen doesn’t seem to be connected).

:: Thursday, May 7, 2015 ::

Well, they’re not perfect, but the roof panels are as good as I am going to get them (or as far as I can be arsed to try).

So today, it’s time to stick the seals back on. The two inner seals (on the section that overlaps) are ordinary D-shaped rubber mouldings, so they were easy to find and buy. I peel off the plastic to expose the self-adhesive backing (even the plastic is stuck fast and has to be separated with a stanley knife) and stick those on firmly - one on the underside of the edge of the small (driver side) section, and one on the top mating edge of the longer (passenger side) section.

Then it’s on to the seals above the door windows. Apparently, the originals aren’t D-section, their section is described on the forums as “fat bird with pigtails on a bike” and you can’t get those anywhere (the seals, or pigtails). Mine seem to have been replaced at some point because they are different, but I can’t think of a description (I was never any good at those ink diagrams that psychiatrists use - not that I trust psychiatrists, you understand. The last time I had that test he showed me the first one and I said “two dogs screwing in a pail”, and the second one I said “a threesome on a boat with a cat watching” and for the third one I said “a man in a raincoat peeking through curtains”. He took the book away and said “Well Mr Git I am afraid that you have a severe condition where all you can think about is sex, and we will have to put you forward for treatment”. I said “what do you mean I have a problem? You’re the one drawing the mucky pictures”.)

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes… My seals are different so I am going to just stick the old ones back on. A coat of glue along both surfaces, leave to dry for about half an hour rather than the 5 minutes it says on the tin, and not only do they stick, they almost jump towards each other. I’m finally getting the hang of this. If (or more likely, when) I decide to have another go, I’ll know not to read instructions.

With the seals in place, I then screw (oooh-er matron) the roof latches back on to the front of each section so that I can later latch each leg-over (oooh-er matron again) the catch on the windscreen rail and make sure everything fits snugly (ooo-er - hang on maybe that psychiatrist had a point).

Not great but not bad. As long as the whole lot doesn’t detach itself in the car and flop down like a giant flapjack on top of me.

:: Saturday, May 9, 2015 ::

I am supposed to be going to a show with the TVR tomorrow (hence the dedication to getting the roof back together) so I had better make sure that it still fits - better to find out now, than in the middle of a monsoon. It is nearly summer, after all. I also need to refit the glove box lid, after the trim repair.

The car is along at the farm, so I load up the boot with a variety of screwdrivers of various lengths, because the hinge is a PITA to reach - you need a wee short stumpy screwdriver. I also load in the two roof panels.

Half-way to the farm, I am thinking about tomorrow, and suddenly realisation hits - when was the road tax due? Is it the beginning or the end of April? I don’t remember taxing it. Bugger.

Anyway, along the to the garage. The glove box lid screws on no problem - unlike the arrangement on most cars, mine doesn’t drop down below the dash, it’s just a wee flap in the front, so it’s only two wee piano-type hinges.

The roof puts up a good fight - the new seals up the middle mean that the two panels won’t sit flush - either one is too high, or one is too low to engage the pegs in the sockets above the screen. After running around the car 25 gazillion times, thumping panels up slightly and down slightly, it finally goes onto place. I decide to leave the roof on to compress the seals a bit. Then I have a lie down.

It looks fine in the half-dark of the garage (even although my camera phone doesn’t focus too well)

and although the outside needs a good clean.

So cover back on, and I leave it to squash the seals a bit.

It dawns on me later that if I was half-organised, I should have taken the Porsche along and swapped them over today, in case we are leaving early tomorrow. And when Dave phones, it turns out I was right - we need to leave before 8 (mainly to allow time for Jim’s coffee stops) and I can’t get the car before that - so I need to go back for it today, before it gets dark. That’s if I have time after I have waited in all day to get a new oven fitted to replace the one that blew a gut on Monday…

:: Saturday, May 9, 2015 (Supplementary) ::

While I am waiting for the oven man, I do an online check of road tax status - and it’s taxed! So not only did I remember, but I also forgot that I remembered. Now I need to remember that I remembered so that I don’t forget, and have the same panic again.

The oven turns up at around half-three, and is fitted by quarter to 4 - it takes him more time to fill in the installation certificate than to carry it in and install it. The installation cost was more than I charge as an hourly rate. I wish I had spent 4 years learning how to work a cordless screwdriver instead of wasting my time with studies and professional qualifications and all that shite. By this time 10 years ago we’d be millionaires Rodney!

So - it’s back along to the garage in the Porsche, revive the TVR and drive it out, park the Porsche in its place, and drive back.

Then I give the TVR a wash, noting that the wheels are getting manky again…

And it’s all tucked up in the garage by just after 6 pm.

:: Sunday, May 10, 2015 ::

Up at 7, out at 7:30 to get the car out, then round the corner to meet Dave and Jim for our run through to a classic car show today. As predicted, the weather isn’t great, with rain on and off, but at least I get a chance to test out my new roof seals. Pass!

The drive through is absolutely fantastic. That’s 12 years I have had this car, and it still hits the button - it’s bloody superb. The roads are fairly quiet at this time on a Sunday, so there’s no need to be overtaking slower stuff - it’s just a nice brisk drive all the way. Well, mostly.

WE stop at a Little Chef, which turns out not to be a Litte Chef any more, but a Mcdonalds. Oh well, needs must…

So with that packed down our necks, and into our little hamster cheek punches (Dave’s extend down to somewhere near his knees) it’s onwards for the last 3 miles or so to the show. It’s being held in the car park of a school, so expectations aren’t high, but as it turns out, it’s a pretty good little show - and there’s enough time to get round and look at everything properly. THere’s also a burger van, a mexican food van, a donut van and an ice cream van. The show is complete!

we get parked and set up, and start with the donuts. Well Jim and I do.

Dave starts with giving his car a quick clean for an hour or so, while Jim and I are starving. It’s been a whole hour since breakfast.

This is interesting - it’s a Sunbeam Stiletto (Imp) with a nice paint job.

and a Ford Cosworth engine - in the front!

I could go on - suffice to say that there is a lot of nice stuff, including a Porsche like mine, but repainted in 1970s orange, and a lovely Aston Martin DB7 a couple of cars up from us.

By the time we are ready to leave, the rain has stopped but the wind has picked up a bit. Still, it’s roof-off time!

The journey home sees more of a traffic mix, so there is a bit more overtaking of Sunday dawdlers to be done. The car is going like a sweetie, so a bit of in-gear acceleration does wonders for the soul.

Another great day out thanks to my wee TVR and the people that drive them. Brilliant.

I need to get its MOT sorted - it’s due at the start of June. Last year, he was desperate to fail it because of wear in the rack, but I was sure that it was the plastic bush in the steering column (where one triangular bit telescopes up inside the other, not the bush in the bulkhead). The wheel has a bit of play in it, so I maybe better have another look at it.

:: Monday, May 11, 2015 ::

I decide to have a look at this steering column before booking the MOT. There is a fair bit of play in the wheel rim - it moves maybe about an inch round the circumference. With one hand on the top UJ to hold it still, and with a light so that I can see if it’s moving, it’s obvious that all of that play is happening before the steering UJ moves - the play is in that telescoping bush right enough.

I decide to take the plastic cowl off the steering column so I can have a look. That’s all, I’m not wearing my “working on the car” clothes. 10 minutes later the column is out and on the workbench.

This is the bush that’s worn - just twisting it on the bench shows that there is a lot of play between the two telescoping triangular sections.

So, I tried last night to track down that plastic bush - but all I could find was people asking on various forums, and others telling them the part number, which turned out to be for the steering column bulkhead bearing, basic English comprehension fail.

So I’m pretty convinced that you can’t get that bush any more. What to do? Well, if you’re a purist, look away now.

See, that bush is there so that one part can slide up inside the other if you crash, so that you don’t end up with the steering column through the middle of your chest. So it needs to be snug, but not tight. Difficult balance. What precision engineering can I carry out to restore the worn thickness of a plastic bush?

It’s obvious really - I need to pack it out with more plastic. This old milk bottle will do. I cut out a bit that goes round three sides of the inner triangular bit, but that’s too thick. So I cut it down to two sides, and that’s almost ok, but still too thick.

With a packing piece in one side, it needs to be greased to slide together, so it’s tight, but not too tight - it still slides. .

More importantly - there’s now no play!

I really need to get changed before I start putting this all back together though!

:: Friday, May 15, 2015 ::

I’ve got the car booked in for an MOT tomorrow. It’s still got no steering column. I looked up the MOT tester’s manual and it says that if there’s a spare tyre, it has to pass, but not having a spare tyre isn’t a fail. I wonder if the same applies to steering columns?

I think they might twist the rules to insist that having a means to steer the car is “safety-critical” so I suppose I had better put this all back together.

First I fit the bottom bit through the bulkhead bearing, and then connect up the electrics - the light switch, indicators and indicator stalks, the ignition block and another couple of wires, and test that everything works, before I lift the column into position and put in the bolts and spacers on the bracket under the dash - but don’t tighten them yet.

Then it’s a quick dive under the bonnet to reconnect the top UJ to the foot of the column, adjusting the length of the column so that it doesn’t “bind” on the UJ yokes. Then I tighten up the bracket bolts and the UJ clamp.

After that, all that’s left is putting on the bottom steering cowl, after plugging the boot release switch in again, and then fit the top cowl. Done!

The steering definitely feels a lot less “floppy” - there’s minimal movement at the steering wheel rim.

Check that the lights all work, check that there’s water in the windscreen bottle, pre-MOT preparation over!

:: Monday, May 16, 2015 ::

MOT day. This is the 13th test not just by the same garage, but by the same tester! You’d think I would learn… He’s bleeding merciless, and has the demeanour of a really pissed-off bouncer in a gorilla enclosure - but I would rather have a proper test than some “soft” option that might miss something. He remembers that it failed last year because of a broken wire on a sensor affecting emissions, and the year before, because the fog lamp switch wiring had come apart.

Anyway, it’s another fail - just! After a second opinion on whether the amount of play is acceptable or not, he fails the offside track rod end.

By the time he has finished the test, I have ordered a pair on the bay for less than £15 including delivery. After you’ve paid, you see the seller’s address, and I think that the seller is the person who I share the garage at the farm with, who runs a motor factors about 20 miles from here.

Piece of piss job, I’ll get it done this week and back for a re-test before next weekend. The car is still MOT’d till the 4th of June though, but I need to get it sorted.

:: Thursday, May 21, 2015 ::

The new track rod ends arrived yesterday, but I didn’t have time to fit them. The car is at the farm, so I need to go and get it, and bring it to the garage where my tools are - that means walking 4 miles first, and I’m just too busy. I haven’t got the Porsche to swap over, because that is back at the bodyshop for its final polish now that the paint has hardened.

I need to get the TVR fixed and re-tested this week though, so I decide to go back to taking my stuff to the garage and fixing it there. So I load the boot with a jack (nearly forgetting the handle!), an assortment of spawners, sockets and handles, axle stands, two joint splitters (a gentle one and a brutal bugger), a lamp, some penetrating oil, and a stilson pipe wrench to hold the steering arm. Oh and the new track rod ends….

When I get there, I spend ages talking to Jock who has just bought a 1959 Hillman Minx and is busy welding bits into the wings. And the doors. And the sills. He’s got nice wheels for it mind - priorities and all that!

Eventually I drag myself away, and change both track rod ends in about 40 minutes. Not hard: loosen the wheel nuts, jack up the car, take the wheels off, lock the steering, loosen the lock nuts on the arms with a 21mm spanner, loosen the 17mm balljoint bolts, split the joints with the gentle splitter, wind off the old track rod ends counting the turns, wind on the new ones by the same amount, fit and tighten the nuts on the tapers, tighten up the lock nuts, wheels back on, lower car.

I would say it’s a dawdle, and it is, but I’m still sweating like a wossname by the time I am tidying up my stuff again. I am getting too old for this!

I need to remember to reset the tracking, but for now, the important step is getting it back to the garage, and getting the MOT!

:: Saturday, May 23, 2015 ::

I’ve got the car booked in for an MOT retest. When I turn up, the tester comes out, sees both new balljoints, gets me to waggle the steering while he feels it, then goes inside and prints out a Pass.

I have a wee celebration drive, just because I can.