:: Diary - March 2012 ::

:: Thursday, March 1, 2012 ::

I took the car along to the man who fixed the exhaust the last time it broke - unfortunately he's about 10 miles from here so I had to plot a route that took me and my unholy racket through wee villages with the fewest houses and no police stations. Apart from some REALLY long stares from one particular lollipop man, I think I got away with it.

Billy fixes the exhaust in 10 minutes, tests it for leaks, and replaces another missing bolt, while I pass the time doing "starter motor diagnosis by text" on a car that's 30 miles away. This is a welcome distraction from the fact that I still have to fix mine, which is right in front of me... Anyway, soon I'm on my way home - so I decide I might as well enjoy it until the next thing goes wrong, so I have a wee run to myself.

I manage to get home before anything else breaks, so I'm happy!

I was intending to bleed the last brake caliper on the S, but my pedal-pushing assistant has pissed off down to the shops for some retail therapy. That's gratitude for you - my exhaust-busting trip yesterday was for her benefit.

:: Friday, March 2, 2012 ::

Here's a wee story for your entertainment.

The reason for my exhaust-busting errand the other daty, was to take my daughter to look at a car. Well, she agreed to buy it, so sat down today to organise insurance. Now the first place she thought of had nothing to do with meerkats, she went to confused.com, put in all the details, and got a number of quotes, the cheapest of which was Admiral.

Now you might think that's a coincidence, but did you know that the confused.com web site and brand is owned by the Admiral Insurance Group? And, surprise, surprise, their quote is always the cheapest (unless it's beaten by Diamond Insurance and/or elephant.co.uk, both of which are also owned by... yes you've guessed...)

So anyway, she phones up to take the quote, and they say that the price is £300 more than the one quoted on the web site. There's no need to go into details here of the nature of their cock-up, suffice to say that the on-line quote didn't include an "option" which isn't an "option" at all, they don't give you a choice, you have to take the add-on. Much argument ensues. They refuse to budge, despite promising to call back several times (but failing to do so).

Then her brother phones them. He is a call-centre old-timer, and he spends an hour on the phone taking their argument to bits, asking where any of this is clarified on the web site, or on their downloadable policy or terms and conditions. It isn't there, they have to concede. They promise to look up the definition of "misleading advertising", "misrepresentation", "insurance ombudsman" and "BBC Watchdog", among other random phrases, and call back. They don't.

The battle goes on... they really are useless though, their call centre appears to be staffed by people who forget that they are also being recorded, and they don't half say the most stupid things, including "we have to, it's the law", when it isn't - they are making all this shite up as they go along.

Oh and I finally got the last of the brakes bled on the S, so that's now back off the jack and parked on all four wheels!

:: Saturday, March 3, 2012 ::

The main task for today is to go and collect daughter 2's car. When we get back she says she wants to wash it, but doesn't know how, so I end up giving car-washing lessons. Then once she's finished I point out all the bits she's missed. No she never, apparently... so I rinse it down with a hose, and she moves on to the wheels, again after a bit of tuition. By the time she's done two wheels the body has dried enough to show up all the bits she's missed... so she washes that again... and so on and on...

Meanwhile, I am pondering on which TVR to take the car club meeting tomorrow - but the weather forecast says rain so I think I'll take the Cerbera - so I set about washing that, but not before texting Jim to point out that I have two fully-working TVRs to choose from.

Then Adrian comes to visit, for no particular reason other than he's just a friendly kinda guy. Oh and he wants to know how to diagnose why his Chimaera won't start. After a one-hour lesson on car electrics on a whiteboard, he's happy with the diagnostic sequence required. The tuition includes a hands-on demonstration of how to use a voltmeter, during which I lean my elbow on the throttle cable and snap off the plastic adjuster. Bastard.

I start to fix it but it's dinner time and I can't be arsed...

I do go out later though, and manage to dismantle the throttle linkage. There's a plastic eyelet on the end of the inner cable, which goes over a screw and two locknuts. The outer cable is held into the metal linkage with a plastic horseshoe clip, so once I've pinged that out, the cable is free,

What I need to do is extract the broken-off bit of the adjuster, and then find some way to shorten the inner cable so that I have a proper range of adjustment back. I need to think about how to do that...

A look on-line indicates that you can't buy throttle cables to fit any more, so that option is out.

:: Sunday, March 4, 2012 ::

I hate TVRs. Really. I mean it this time. I do.

I haven't come up with any bright ideas for shortening the inner throttle cable on the S, but I do manage to get a tiny pair of pliers on the broken off bit of the adjuster, and extract it from the threads. It's still on the cable though, so I remove the broken-off bit by cracking it apart with pliers.

This photo shows the throttle cable, the black bit that the horseshoe clip fits into, and the plastic eyelet on the end.

Anyway, it's time to set off for the Car Club meeting, in my now-only-one working TVR, the Cerbera. I have arranged to meet Dave, Jim and Claire, who are all travelling there in Jim's car - and I think I might join them just for the chat, rather than take the Cerb. So when I reach Dave's, I park the car and switch off. Then Dave asks me to move it, so I start it again... no wait, nothing happens, the starter motor clutch has finally given up. It's buggered. They push it till it starts, I move it, then it's off to the meeting.

The meeting itself is again brilliant, even although TVRs are pretty sparse - 6 I think. Right at the start, though, I am explaining the throttle cable problem, and they ask "is this at the pedal end?" "No, it's the engine end so you can't just put a new plastic nipple on"... and the penny drops - No, but I can put a spacer or a new nipple to shorten the inner cable at the pedal end, to take up the same amount of slack! Doh!

Gerry turns up with the only S today - the one I went to see a few months ago because it wasn't running right.

We look at photos of Hugh's chassis, we talk about Fiesta servos and master cylinders, Chimaera starter motors, Cerbera starter motors, then Jim kindly reads out my text from only 24 hours previously, gloating about having 2 working TVRs... How quickly are the smug fallen...

Anyway, it's soon time for home, and another push start at Dave's house, before driving home and parking the Cerbera out of the road where it can stay for the moment.

At the moment, though, I want to fix the S. I search the garage looking for a suitable spacer to put between the nipple and the pedal, and my eyes alight upon a plastic nozzle on an old glue bottle. I cut the top off to a length of about 10mm, and then cut a slot along its length so that it slips over the inner cable. Then I reassemble the linkage assembly, bolt it all together, and then adjust the adjuster at the engine end until I have taken all the slack out of the inner cable, and full depression of the pedal opens the throttles all the way.

This is the linkage from the other side. Notice how the plastic eyelet on the cable end is fixed to the turning bit of the linkage about 1/2 way along the arm. I noticed that Gerry's had the cable fixed to the ball socket on the end of that arm, with a wee clip, but when I try that, I run out of pedal travel before the throttle is fully open. Not a good idea....

Note also the coating of red dust over everything...

So I have one working TVR again!

I knew that the Cerbera's starter was on the way out - it's been noisy since the start of January, but it was only intermittent at first, and then getting worse. It's an unusual arrangement - the starter bolts onto the top of the bellhousing, and has a built-in reduction gear and clutch. And it's buggered. I've already done a bit of research and my options are:

1. Buy a new proper Tilton starter motor - about £300 plus. Not appealing
2. Buy a Nissan Maxima starter motor - available on ebay for £50 or so. They look the same, fit the same, but aren't really designed to turn over 4.2 litres of high-compression V8, and tend to burn out in no time. Not appealing
3. Send the motor away and get it refurbished - about £160. Slightly more appealing.
4. Buy a clutch and reduction gear refurb kit for £50, and maybe also a solenoid refurbishment kit for £50, and rebuild the motor myself. Even more appealing, although I don't know how tricky it is (but the forum threads I've read suggest it's not hard).

All of the above involve me taking the starter motor out of the car - which again, on-line evidence suggests, is fiddly, but isn't too difficult. You have to remove one of the airboxes, and I think the fuel rail, to get to it, but first you have to disconnect the battery to do it, and then you don't have any door locks etc - so it needs to be in a garage - which means that I have to get the S out of the garage first!

And that brings me to option 5 - take the car to a garage and just get them to do it. That, at the moment, is the least appealing option though, I might as well give it a go. How hard can it be?

So the first step is to remove the motor, see what's wrong with it, and then decide which of the other 4 options to go for.

:: Monday, March 5, 2012 ::

I walk pointedly past the Cerbera and take the S out of the garage, and give it a proper wash. Once I've cleaned up the body and the wheels, it looks pretty presentable! It's still a bit chilly, but the sky is blue, there isn't a cloud to be seen, so I think I might have a wee drive. Yes.

After a careful start, testing brakes, steering, suspension movement etc, it doesn't take long, only about a mile from the house, to remember that this wee car is absolutely brilliant. I'm able to enjoy its performance, it's noise, the whole driving experience, at speeds that are road legal (honest!) Yes the Cerbera is much faster, and smoother, and louder, but the go-kart feel of an S-Series takes some beating. I drive about aimlessly (well, the only aim being to find bits of road I can accelerate along) for just over an hour.

I love it. It's especially good to be able to just drive, without constantly going "what's that noise?" "Has that gauge just moved there?" or "what's going to go wrong next and how much is it going to cost me?"

I know I've mentioned this the other day, but this is the first time the car has moved since I had the dash and seats out, and did the carpets. I was expecting various bits of trim to be squeaking and rattling, but it doesn't - there are a couple of little rattles that were there before, from the windows and frames, but otherwise, there's no crashing or knocking over speed bumps, and no hugely irritating chatter from bits rubbing together. I am really chuffed with how it has turned out, after all that work.

When I get home, I park it in full view of the Cerbera, and go around polishing the wheels and window frames. That'll learn it.

So the S is back in my garage at the moment, in case I need it before I get the Lexus back. I'll maybe clean and wax up the windscreen surround - I think it has windscreen sealer on it (or something else that doesn't just wash off) - and then tidy up the engine bay a wee bit.

:: Tuesday, March 6, 2012 ::

I start off by polishing the windscreen surround, to remove the dried-on sealer. It comes up really nice, noticeably better than the rest of the bodywork (which I thought was ok) - so it looks like it's time to give the car a good overall polish again! I'll have to check and see what polishes etc I have - it's been ages since I polished a car!

For the moment though, I get the metal polish out again, and clean up various shiny bits in the engine bay. Then I use some tyre shine to clean up the rubber hoses.

Jim and Dave have been at the metal shop along the road, to buy steel to fix Jim's car, and they drop in so that Jim doesn't suffer from tea deficiency mid-journey. I think I'll start charging for visitor admission.

I haven't decided what to do about the Cerbera's starter motor. I think I'll just get a replacement, rather than faff about fixing mine.

:: Friday, March 9, 2012 ::

I've spent the last couple of days looking at starter motor options. A lot of them are on a new-for-old exchange, but I don't really want to do that, because I would rather swap the old starter out and install the new one in a single day, and also, I'd like to fix and keep the old one as a spare.

An added complication is that the quality varies widely, from uprated Powerlite ones, to cheap pattern ones from the far east.

Even then the price for the right starter, non-exchange, varies by £100. I eventually find one, and order it on-line. 10 minutes later I get a phone call "could you phone our supplier and make sure that's the right fitment?" When I do, it turns out that the supplier has no starter bodies left, so is actually offering to rebuild my own starter for that price. This "supplier" is the only company that builds these units everyone else is advertising, too, so that option is out unless they rebuild your own. That leaves me with no spare one though, and I can buy the bits to refurb it myself, for half the "reconditioned unit" price. So I cancel the order and go to the second option - which is a brand new starter, still in its box, for sale from another Cerb owner, still with its original receipt and warranty.

A phone call, a bank transfer, and it's sorted, should be here on Tuesday!

Meanwhile, in other news, Admiral phoned Git Jnr today about last Friday's cock-up. They are, to put it mildly, shyting themselves. Their complaints department confirms that they have checked their quote logs and have replicated our request, and confirm that there is nowhere in that process that it's made clear that the £300 "Option" isn't optional at all, so the on-line quote is wrong. It sounds as if we'll be getting a refund!

That's ma boy!

:: Monday, March 12, 2012 ::

The Lexus was re-scheduled for delivery today. Except that when I phone in the morning, they say that it won't be ready, so it'll be tomorrow. They will phone at 4.00 with a time.

The 4.00 call says "it won't be ready tomorrow either, it'll be Wednesday, we'll phone at 5.00 tomorrow with a time." I am not happy. I explain that I have put off various meeetings etc pending return of the car, and I won't be available to collect it on Wednesday, and I need the car for those meetings. This is now the 4th date they have given me. I need the car by lunch time tomorrow, end of chat. They promise to phone at 9am. I'm not hopeful though.

The Cerbera is still parked beside the wheely bins. Starter motor due to arrive tomorrow!

But my main task for today is a more permanent temporary repair to the throttle cable on the S. My plastic sleeve solution has partially crushed, so the cable is out of adjustment again. I bought a tiny wire rope shackle (like a mini u-clamp) from a ships chandlers, which I intend to clamp on at the pedal end to take up the slack in the inner cable.

First I remove the cable from the throttle end. To do this, I remove the wee clip on the ball joint at the throttle plate, and remove the plastic arm. Then I remove the two bolts holding the linkage to the engine, and turn it over to undo the two tiny nuts holding the cable nipple on to the linkage. Then I remove the horseshoe clip and the linkage comes free. That gives me enough slack to fit the clamp at the pedal end.

I can't get in to fit the clamp, though, so I have to remove the seat - again thanking myself for fitting those allen bolts and llock nuts, so that the nuts underneath come off no problem.

With the seat out of the way, I can wriggle into the footwell upside-down with my arms above my head, and assemble the u-clamp and fit the tiny nuts, and tighten them with an old BA spanner. Then I phone the fire brigade to get me back out of the footwell.

Once I am back on my feet, I decide to clean up the throttle linkage before I refit it. I strip the linkage down completely. First disengage the return spring, then there is a little circlip under the top plastic bush - with that removed, you can lift the link in the housing, free the bottom end, and then slide the whole linkage out. The spring and plastic bush come off the bottom of the spindle. then remove the two plastic bushes from the housing,

I rub down the housing and respray it in satin black, and then I prime and paint the spindle and linkage in silver.

The rest of the tiny bits, I clean in a little ultrasonic bath cleaner, which brings them up right nice.

When all the paint has dried, I re-assemble the linkage assembly and refit it to the car, and then fit and adjust the cable so that there's just enough slack to let the throttle fully close.

I check that the pedal gives full throttle travel, then when I start the car, I remember that the exhaust joint is blowing under the sump. I remove the clips and apply some sealer and some strengthening foil, then refit the clamps.

After I have refitted the seat, I arm myself with a tub of metal polish and clean up a few bits, including the rear brake regulator.

:: Tuesday, March 13, 2012 ::

The Cerbera starter motor arrived today. Maybe it's my memory failing, but I am surprised at how small the motor part is. I don't have time to fit it today though, nor do I have space - I need to get the S out of the garage and along to the farm first.

I get another phone call telling me that the Lexus won't be ready today either, but will be delivered back here tomorrow morning. This is not exactly helpful because I have to be somewhere else, in it, by 11.00. So we'll see...

:: Saturday, March 17, 2012 ::

Well despite my scepticism, the Lexus was here by 8.30 on WEdnesday. Pity about the huge waxy patch on the nearside door (not the side they fixed). They did send a man out on Thursday though, so it's sorted now.

No progress on the TVR front though. I still haven't taken the S along to the farm because I've been really busy with work (honest Adrian!), and in any case, it has been pishing rain and I don't want to store the car away wet if I can help it.

:: Sunday, March 18, 2012 ::

I took the S along to the farm today - I've almost forgotten the way! Once the car is in the barn, I have a chat with the owner and find that he's just bought a proper tyre fitting machine for changing caravan tyres. Does car wheels as well though. Handy to know...

When I get home, I push the Cerbera back into the garage, and make a wee start (no pun intended) at getting the starter out. I haven't a lot of time today but I remove the windscreen panel, disconnect the battery (making sure the car's doors and windows, and the boot, are all open first, and that I have switched off the alarm), and then remove the nearside airbox and plug leads. I also remove three cable ties that are waiting to rip my arm to shreds. Then I pull off the heat shield that is clipped to the solenoid.

The advice on Pistonheads is that the starter motor can now be removed. I can't see how - there is no way I can reach the main cable terminal at the rear of the motor, and I can't see how the motor could possibly fit up the gap between the bulkhead and the back of the engine. I think I need to remove the fuel rail and at least the nearside inlet manifold, to be able to reach the connection and then extract the motor. Not today though.

:: Wednesday, March 21, 2012 ::

Well I've been a good boy, kneeling beside my bed and saying my prayers every night, but to no avail. I went out to the garage and swung the door up, and a quick glance into the Cerbera's engine bay confirms that the starter-motor fairy still hasn't been. I'll have to do it my bloody self then.

I have done a bit more research on Pistonheads, but it's still not clear how you do it - some people say you have to remove the fuel rail, some don't. Some say you also have to remove one inlet manifold. Some don't. There are no websites (as far as I can find) that do this "how to" advice for Cerberas (there are three or four for the S Series, although mine is obviously the best, eh?) so I'm going to have to take the plunge and fire in about it, and make it up as I go along, and write the book afterwards. Nothing new there then.

So the first step (after the bits I did on Sunday) is to remove the throttle linkage between the two cylinder banks. two 8mm nuts and the linkage is off.

Now for the fuel rail. I disconnect the 19mm connector nut on the fuel feed pipe on the rear of the rail, and then the return hose on the back of the pressure regulating valve. Then I remove 4 small cap bolts, and the fuel rail and injectors all come off in one piece.

Still doesn't look like much room... so I decide to remove the nearside inlet manifold and throttle bodies. There's a vacuum pipe into the rear of the manifold, so I loosen the jubilee clip and pull it off. Then I disconnect the throttle position sensor wiring, then disconnect the throttle cable nipple from the linkage at the rear.

Then there are six cap bolts on the manifold flange, plus two smaller ones holding the manifold on to the rocker cover. I remove the six bigger ones first, and then loosen (but don't remove) the two smaller ones. Then I lift the manifold just enough to get my fingers under as I remove each of the small cap bolts, so that I can catch the spacers between the manifold and the rocker cover, so that they don't drop off and fall down an inlet tract. It's easy done, and a right royal pain in the arse when it does!

So that's the inlet manifold off!

Then I remove the two bolts and spacers golding the throttle cable bracket on to the nearside rocker cover, and move it out of the way, and the engine is then stripped to here. I've stuffed rags into the inlet tracts on one side, and into the fuel injector ports on the other side. I can see the starteer motor from here!

I still can't reach the nut holding the main starter cable on - I think I need to remove the motor from the bellhousing, then turn it round to disconnect the electrics. Let's give it a go! The starter is held onto the bellhousing with two large cap bolts which are as tight as hell, but they do move eventually with a socket, a very long extension and a big ratchet. With them out of the way, I can turn the front of the motor sideways and tip it down towards the exhaust so I can reach the cable nut - 13 mm socket and it's off (there are two cables and I make a careful note of the angles they are fixed on). Then disconnect the solenoid feed spade terminal, then if you get the angle right, the motor just fits up through the gap in front of the bulkhead.

It's off it's off it's off it's off!

Here's the old and new motors together. No prizes for telling them apart. The reason for the failure of the old motor is immediately obvious.

Here's the new motor's starter gear and reduction clutch. You can see that it's held onto the front of the motor by 4 of those wee screws.

Here's the old motor's starter gear and reduction clutch. You can see that it's held onto the front of the motor by no wee screws, or indeed anything else. It has been moving forward, until it has disengaged from the motor completely, and you can see where the flywheel has worn it away. I could probably get away with replacing those screws and tightening it all up with loctite on the threads.

Or I might buy a new starter gear and clutch for £50, and repair it properly, and keep it as a spare (or flog it for more or less what I paid for the new one). That's a better option.

But for today, I'll fit the new motor. I wiggle it down and into the same vertical position as the old one, then reconnect the two main cables, before turning it over into place and replace the cap bolts, and reconnect the solenoid wire.

The rest of the job, as they say in the best manuals, is the reverse of removal. No really, it is. The only tricky bit is getting the 8 injectors back into the inlet manifolds - they point outwards slightly, and unless you are genetically descended from an octopus, you can't hold them all in position while you lower the fuel rail. So I squeeze the front two slightly together, and put the fuel rail on at an angle. Then the next two... then the - well you get the idea, pushing them together in pairs and lowering the fuel rail into place as we go.

With everything back together (except the windscreen panel) I check all the pipe connections one last time, and reconnect the battery.

So... the moment of truth! Jump in the car, ignition on, press "start" and... well it turns over, but the battery is slightly flat so it doesn't have enough oomph to start. At this moment I remember that I haven't recharged my booster pack (which is also a compressor) after blowing up 3 Lexus tyres, one Corsa tyre, one Fiesta tyre, and one on a Renault Megane as a favour. It's flat as well.

It's looking hopeful though - I put a trickle charger on the car, and put the booster pack on charge as well. I also have jump leads handy. Tomorrow she will start!

Meantime I remove three screws on the old starter, holding the end plate on. The starter gear and clutch just fall out. I thought that the screws had sheared, but they haven't, all the threads are empty. They have obviously just come loose and fallen out one by one. God alone knows where they'll be, but I'm not taking the clutch and flywheel apart to look for them - they've obviously been falling out for ages and, as far as I know, they haven't done any damage yet...

I clean up the bits with some of my manky fuel "for cleaning only" removed from the Cerbera's boot a few weeks ago. With all the mank off, it looks pretty undamaged, apart from that mounting flange. Maybe it's worth putting it back together as it is?

:: Thursday, March 22, 2012 ::

I cocked up trying to start the Cerbera today - I had the battery and the power pack charged, connected them both up and fired up the starter. The engine turned over fine, but just wasn't catching, After a couple of attempts, the motor was getting slower and then I noticed the wee green light on the console flashing. That usually means that the immobiliser hasn't disarmed properly... no wonder it didn't start... What a plonker.

I connected up a jump start, but again, it wouldn't catch - I think I have flooded it. Bastard.

So I put the charger back on, and recharged the power back for another go tomorrow. I also went all round and carefully checked all the plug leads were on properly and everything else was connected up.

Then I went to B&Q and bought a wee pack of M4 panhead screws, and some shakeproof washers for a grand total of £4.13. Then I cut the screws to length, and fix the gearbox bit properly onto the front of the motor, giving it a spray with very light oil, before replacing the end plate. I test it with a couple of jump leads on to a battery in another car, and it seems to work fine. Into the new one's box and back on the "spares" shelf it goes!

:: Friday, March 23, 2012 ::

Went out this morning and she started no problem, first time, so I had a wee run to celebrate. Came back home, started up again no problem. I'm a happy pixie!

Well, for now, that is.

:: Tuesday, March 27, 2012 ::

Well I've had a few runs out in the Cerbera this weekend, and, touch wood, it seems to be starting and going well. Tomorrow I am going to Carlisle for the Sporting Bears, so I nip out for a wee run to fill up with Tesco 99 special brew. Tesco 99 apparently doesn't contain any ethanol, but VPower does. Ethanol isn't good for steel petrol tanks. Or rubber hoses. Or lots of other bits that are likely to be present on older cars like TVRs. And Tesco 99 is cheaper.

On the way back, I pass a Morrison's, and notice a queue at the pumps. When I get home I find that some minister of muppetry, speaking about a vote for a fuel strike which is at least a fortnight away, has done a Corporal Jones and run around shouting "Don't panic, don't panic, I'm in charge, don't panic". This, of course, has the effect of encouraging a whole sector of the public (the same people who clear supermarket shelves of bread and milk at the first flake of snow) to dig their cars out of the back of 3 ton of shite in the garage, and take it down to the petrol station for 2 hours to make sure it's got fuel in it, in case they might want to use it at some point in the next 3 months.

:: Wednesday, March 28, 2012 ::

It's up bright and early to get the Cerb out of the garage at 7am, for the run to Carlisle. I have a nice comparatively quiet run down to Carstairs where I meet Ron, before heading on to meet Hamish at Abingdon. We head down the M74 in line-astern, much to the aural discomfort of other barely-awake drivers along the way. It's bright, it's dry, it's sunny, and crispy cold. It's brilliant!

We meet up with another two members and head round to the school. It's an amazing school this, it caters for kids with all sorts of physical or learning difficulties, and the staff are just wonderful. After all the kids have had a look at the cars, we present a cheque for the money we have collected, and have a tour of the school.

The sun has warmed the air up by the time we head home, so it's nice pleasant drive.

The car is faultless. I am happy.

It can't last.