:: Diary - July 2005 ::

:: Wednesday July 13 2005 ::

I have a theory about pigeons. And seagulls. And anything else with wings and an arsehole (and no that doesn't include Paul McCartney).

I think that they have an inbuilt instinct to shit on anything that attacks them from below. If David Attenborough is reading, perhaps you would confirm?

In our normal lives, this makes no difference, as they almost invariably end up plopping all over each other. Fine.

Of course, as soon as you wash and polish your car, the first flying arsehole that passes overhead catches a glimpse of its own reflection and immediately dive-bombs itself. It happens every single sodding time.

Guess what I spent most of yesterday doing, and what I found this morning.

:: Wednesday July 13 2005 ::

Forgot to mention that fandabby spanner set arrived while I was on holiday. So I decide to try them out by changing the shocks and springs.

Turned out to be a bit of a doddle really. Jack up front of car, put axle stands underneath, and take both front wheels off so that suspension is hanging free. This prevents any "wind up" from the anti-roll bar twisting if any weight was on the other wheel.

Then get very large 19 mm spanner on each end of the bottom nut and bolt, and although I needed a 2 foot socket bar to initially loosen the nut, it came out fairly easily. Drift the bolt out. The top bolt came out easy by hand. Put the new shock on, but the bolts back in and tighten. Job done.

Then do the other side.

Then adjust the shock absorber stiffness to the middle of its range - ie 26 clicks from "soft" to "hard" so I set them at 13 clicks in.

Then adjust the ride height - 2 full turns up from the lowest setting seems about the same as where it was. before - maybe slightly higher, going by the space between the jack and the chassis after it has settled.

I discovered that the offside spring actually had two breaks (circled on the pics) which is not good news. The nearside spring had also snapped right at the bottom (similar to the second photo).

I have a wee drive and the car seems to ride much better and smoother (unsurprisingly), and also corners well. I'll work up to more strenuous tests and maybe adjust the shocker and spring settings as a consequence. Definitely a major ride and handling improvement though.

:: Thursday July 14 2005 ::

Decided to try again to adjust the hinges on the driver's door, which isn't particularly loose but has dropped a bit, and catches on the body at the top rear corner.

Remove loudspeaker, then arm throgh speaker hole and remove wee nut behind the armrest (which, you may recall, I replaced with a tiny wingnut some time ago). Remove door trim, unhook from lock and set aside.

Loosen the two bolts holding each hinge to the door, and lift the rear of the door and re-tighten. This requires a fair degree of contortion, and half-way through my back suddenly got sore. Not good news. I also noticed that the door window glass had come out of the felt runner to the rear(the window has been getting slow and stiff recently), so I removed the top of the front runner (four screws into the door and another holding the quarterlight, which let me pull it forward far enough to relocate the rear edge of the glass. Some spray grease on the winder mechanism, and some vinyl / rubber lubricant on the runners, and put it all back together.

The back edge of the door still catches slightly on the body, but not as bad. I think I need new hinges but I think I might let somebody else do it.

Maybe that's just my sore back talking.

:: Sunday July 17 2005 ::

Went out for a wee run today with half a dozen other TVRs.

On the way to the start, I clattered over some badly-signed road works into a sharp ramp and scraped the exhaust again (despite the much improved ground clearance since fitting the new springs). No apparent serious damage at the time.

Had a fantastic drive about south east Scotland, and then back to George's house for a superb barbeque (thanks Rona!) and then home. A grand day out Gromit!

Just as I was getting near home I thought I could hear an exhaust blow. Have a look at it tomorrow...

:: Monday July 18 2005 ::

Had a better look at the exhaust - found that I had loosened a clamp. Resealed the join and replaced the clamp - still blowing.

Further examination showed a tiny crack in the brazed repair I made in June, so re-brazed the join. I can still hear a noise that sounds like an exhaust blow, but I can't feel anything.

:: Thursday July 21 2005 ::

Tried again to find any exhaust leak by groping along the manifolds and downpipes before they get too hot, carefully avoiding removing fingers, hair or skin in various whirring and revolving bits in the vicinity. Still can't find anything. I notice that the noise stops when I pull the plug lead off No 4 cylinder. Ths leads me to checking that the plug is tight, then removing it to make sure it's not cracked, then checking the engine with a vacuum gauge to ensure that all cylinders are working much the same.

Eventually I work out that no 4 cylinder enters the manifold at the back, and more careful groping around (and inevitable skin burning) finds a small blow between the exhaust and the engine block. I manage to manoeuvre a small mirror down and see another crack inaccessible to welding and brazing without removal from the car.

Said removal involves much swearing and a high probability of mounting bolts breaking off in the head, requiring much dismantling to get them out. This prospect is about as attractive as kissing Giant Haystacks' scrotum, so I'll have to think of another way...

:: Friday July 22 2005 ::

I thought of another way - I decide to try an exhaust bandage (as a temporary measure). Stick it on, fix it with wire and leave it to dry for 10 minutes or so befor starting it up.

And it was at this point that I managed to unwittingly step onto a set for either "You've been Framed" or "The Muppet Show". You see, the instructions said "start the car and allow the exhaust to warm up gently" and after I had washed all the exhaust sealer shit off my paws, that's exactly what I did.

As a result, I managed to render both of my cars undriveable, even although I wasn't driving either of them at the time.

What I didn't do, you see, when starting the car, was get into the car first. No, I stood beside the car, opened the door, stuck my hand through between the door frame and the windscreen pillar, and turn the key.

Car lurches forward because it's in gear, door hits my arse, forcing the door closed onto my arm, which is pushed upwards and can no longer reach the ignition key. I expect the car to lurch forward and stop. Nope. It starts and keeps going. I realise that my Saab is parked 15 feet away, side-on, on the other side of the road.

15 feet to go I manage to start running so that I can get the door open and move my arm. I still can't reach the keys while the car (and my legs) are moving.

10 feet I extract my arm and run around the back of the door.

5 feet I reach in from behind the door and manage to reach the keys.

0 feet My left foot reaches the brake pedal as I turn off the ignition.

Minus 2 feet Car stops with a loud crunching noise against the side of the Saab. Fortunately the bonnet is still up so I can't see the damage so I don't burst into tears. Yet.

Reverse TVR back into driveway and get out to inspect damage. Saab has some TVR paint on the front wheel but no other obvious damage. It'll polish out mate.

The TVR is very sick indeed. The offside bonnet hinge has been bent back and is detached from the plywood panel, which is split. The pic shows how much of a bend there is in a bolt that should be straight. The hinge mounting has been bent back, and the bottom corner of the radiator slightly squashed and dripping coolant.

The bonnet has been pushed back onto the top of the radiator which has punctured a hole through the bonnet. The front offside of the bonnet is also cracked and split.

The bent hinge means that the bonnet won't close. Diagnosis - TVR undriveable till repaired. I reverse it to the back of the drive.

Later I move the Saab into the front of the drive, and it is at this point that I realise that I parked it with the front wheels on left lock (not full lock, but a bit) but the offside wheel is now straight. It won't turn right at all. I drive it left-left-left around the square and straight into the drive. Closer inspection reveals a badly bent tie rod - probably need a new steering rack. Diagnosis - Saab undriveable till repaired.

And that is how, if you are a total arsehole, you render two cars off the road, without actually driving either of them. Good eh?

My plans for a TVR respray may have to be brought forward a bit.

:: Saturday July 21 2005 ::

I have managed to book the Saab into the dealer for repair on Tuesday. I have also arranged a trailer lift to get it there. Once I figure out how to get to work while it's being repaired, I'll be happy.

No progress on TVR though - I need to find a specialist in fibreglass repair and paint who can look at it.

:: Tuesday July 25 2005 ::

Saab collected on a trailer. A call to the garage later, confirms that it needs a new steering rack at �364. While this is a lot, I suspect the TVR repair will make this pale into insignificance.

I also arrange to take the TVR in on Saturday morning for an estimate. The bodyshop is recommended by other members of the TVR car club. I need to fix the hinges to get the bonnet to clip down, so that I can drive it there.

:: Saturday July 28 2005 ::

After a week of not very dry evenings, I have to fix the bonnet this morning so that I can get the car to the bodyshop. Close inspection shows that the hinge bracket on the chassis is bent, and several well placed thumps with a rather heavy hammer soon restores it to its proper shape. I also manage to straighten out the hinge itself a little, at least enough to get the bonnet to clip down on one side.

A gentle drive to the bodyshop who promise to look at it and give me two estimates on Monday - one for the repair and one for respraying the whole of the rest of the car.