The worst car I ever owned (probably) was an NSU Prinz. Not the TT version that could at least
keep up with a crippled escargot, but the "more economical" (and therefore even more lethargic)
standard verson - two cylinders adding up to 650 cc of unadulterated and unrestricted power.
I bought it while I was a student. God only knows why. During the time I had it it nearly
bankrupted me in bus fares - I don't remember ever actually using it to go somewhere, unless it
didn't matter whether I got there or not.
It's idiosyncrasies were manifold... It had a motorcycle gearbox and a convoluted gear change
linkage that included a wee bent knob out of the gear box, that stuck downwards into a box
spanner on a stick connected to the gear lever. Worked well... except that when you were moving
away, low revs or high, the engine juddered so much that the knob would come out of the box
spanner and then you were stuck in first - ie a top speed of about 5 mph. No that is not an
exaggeration - 5mph flat out.
To fix it you had to put a bottle jack under the starter, jack the engine up enough to wiggle
the box spanner back over the knob, and let the jack down again. I had practiced this down to a
fine art that would have made an F1 pit crew resign and work for Kwik Fit.
My wee brother then fried the engine by driving 10 miles with the oil light on. It still ran but
it consumed oil like a chip shop at a hells angels rally.
It had a heater like a VW Beetle - an exhaust heat exchanger. With an internal hole. After the
oil-frying episode the car used to fill up with smoke if you pulled the "heat" knob up. Once you
pulled the heat knob up, you needed to climb underneath with a spanner to close it again. Many
journeys were completed with thick, choking, blue smoke pouring out of the windows as you drove
along... just because an unwitting passenger was playing "what does this do?"
I once got it up to 60 mph - and vowed never to do it again. And I didn't.
The very last time I drove it, was when I went for oil. I checked the dipstick and it said about
1/2 full. I drove 5 miles to the garage. I bought a 5 litre tin. I put some in. I drove away.
As I left the forecourt the gearlever jumped out. Stuck in first. A U-turn in the road and back
into the garage, do the bottle jack - twiddle lever thing, drive off...
As I left the forecourt the gearlever jumped out again. Stuck in first. A U-turn in the road and
back into the garage, do the bottle jack - twiddle lever thing, drive off again...
As I left the forecourt the gearlever jumped out. Stuck in first. Oh **** it, I'm going home. 5
miles. took me an hour, in first. I was moving barely faster than the pedestrians, who I was able
to pass only because if they kept up they soon passed out from carbon monoxide poisoning from
the smoke screen following me.
Passing through the herd of cows being taken to another field - that was fun. Most of them looked
a bit woozy by the time they got to their new field.
I got home and checked the oil. Nearly empty. I filled it up till the tin was empty. I had used 5
litres of oil to drive 10 miles to buy oil.
I sold it to a man who was buying the last of the Triumph TR7's and they were offering £1,000
minimum trade in...
Now I have a TVR and reliability is NOT a problem. believe me...
...